Noemi's Ramblings

I Miss

2011-05-29T23:31:00.001+08:00

I miss feeling alive. I know it sounds so dramatic but there it is. I feel so bound by time, work, money, responsibilities, relationships that I'm suffocating. I numb myself just so I could function as required but I feel so darned fake.

I miss the times when I'm reminded that my existence is so miniscule in the grander scheme of things. Like, when I look up to the sky and see so many stars because the nearest artificial lighting is about 2 miles away. You can actually feel them moving. The night is so quiet that you can hear the wind whistling through the nearest bamboo tree.The leaves rustling at intervals, creating a simple melody.

I miss staring out into the ocean at the middle of the night. You can't really see the ocean, but you can taste the salty air, smell the fresh air and hear the waves crashing into the shore and retreating back into the sea's embrace. I miss seeing the sun rise from the sea blanket and vividly color the ocean. I miss riding in motor boats and seeing fishes on the clear blue green ocean floor. I miss swimming till I'm sunburnt, bone tired and dizzy. I want to swim until I can feel like I'm floating in my sleep. I miss crashing by the sandy seashore; safe distance away from the bonfire that should keep us warm while we drink, tell stories, sing along to someone's guitar, laugh hilariously at our antics and bet which one of us is drunk enough to be goaded into doing something very stupid.

I miss lying in a hammock with my favorite tunes on my mp3 player cranked up and reading a book.

I miss hiking up a mountain and looking down on hills, trees, houses fields... not pavement, parking lots, cars and buses.

I miss going to old places that are new to me. To feel the history just pulsing through every furniture, every brick and imagine the events that had taken place.

I miss connecting to the fundamentals. I miss experiencing the simple joys, the simple things that make us feel alive.

My own take on California Maki

2011-05-16T22:53:00.003+08:00

Some purists would probably be aghast at my recipe but this works for me and apparently, other people like it well enough. Here goes nuthin.

To prepare this you would need:

2 packs of crab sticks (around 500 grams combined)

1 kilo of Japanese sticky rice (short grain) *yung tig si 68/65 Php sa SM.. kung sosyal ka, mas okay yung 118/99 Php per kilo*

2 cups of red cane vinegar (Del Monte) *typically rice vinegar dapat but this makes a good substitute as well*

1 cup of white sugar

1/2 cup plain mayonnaise *you can also use Japanese mayonnaise that comes in those squigee bottles*

[if you're using plain mayonnaise, you would need to mix 1/2 tsp of paprika, a pinch of salt, pepper and 1/2 tsp of white sugar to it]

3 large, ripe mangoes, cut in strips

1 cucumber, also cut into strips

1 pack of Nori (the darker the nori, the better) *aka dried sea weed*

A bamboo mat

A sturdy chopping board

A very sharp chef's knife

Procedure:

1. Wash the rice thoroughly and soak in water for about 10-30 minutes. If you're using a rice cooker there should be equal parts water and rice.

2. Add a 1/2 cup of water, the red cane vinegar and the sugar once the rice comes to a boil. Stir thoroughly to ensure that the vinegar and the sugar is mixed in properly. Wait till it cooks. Cool once the rice is at the right consistency.

3. While waiting for the rice to cool, you can chop the mangoes and the cucumber into elongated strips.

4. Once cooled, spread the bamboo mat onto the chopping board, then a sheet of nori.

5. Dump 1 and 3/4 cups of rice on the middle of the nori. Spread flat and even it out using a spatula.

6. Make indentations near the bottom of the nori, slather it with the mayonnaise mixture then arrange the crab sticks, mangoes and cucumber.

7. Grab the bottom end of the mat tuck it towards you then roll it.

8. Cut in middle and align then cut individual pieces, about one inch thick.

9. Serve with wasabi and kikoman sauce.

There you have it. This recipe is quite sweet though since that's how I like my maki. I haven't tried it inside out as is more commonly used in commercially made maki's (I miss going to Suki Market!) but I would really love to try. I would need roe though.. which I rarely find in SM.. :(

-----

On a side note.. I normally make maki's when I'm experiencing extreme emotions. There's just something about it that soothes me. It helps me sort out my thoughts. Ate in Cabalen nga pala last Saturday night and their maki is weird. They are using crisp, indian mangoes instead of the pangasinan or zambales ones. Tastes alright.. but I still find it different.

Clarity

2011-05-08T23:04:00.001+08:00

So here I am, typing away on my laptop this stormy evening. I hear the thunder rumbling from a distance. The AC can't drown the soothing pitter patter of the rain on the roof.

Its the 8th of the 5th. In two days, I'm turning 24.

This year, aside from my family being safe and healthy, I only have one totally self-directed wish. I wish for clarity.

Clarity. Such a simple word, simple concept but I find it frustratingly difficult to come by it. I feel like everything in my life is so muddled by choices, by options, by other people's opinions, by friendships that i've built or enemies I've made.

I'm so frustrated by the fact that I honestly do not know what to do with my life. I have no inspiration, no dream, no drive.. no aspiration past having money deposited onto my ATM regularly.

I've checked all the variables that Ive used as an excuse in the past to be uninspired - and this current job that I have actually trumped them all. Commute? It's only 30-45 minutes from where I live.. time? the shift is perfect! 9am-6pm! Topic? I love fixing up computers and internet connection so thats not it! stressful customers? We have the best customers in the world. Co-workers? They are all, without exception, really decent and upstanding, kind people. Success? finished training top of the class and my stats are okay - so i'm not really frustrated with that either.

So why do I still feel restless? As if I'm a ball, trying to fit into a square hole? I feel different and I feel caged. This feeling of being in out of place just won't go away. I honestly thought for a couple of weeks there that i've found my niche. But now, I realize that I was only kidding myself because I can't face the fact that I'm scared of living in the real world. The real world where real problems can't be solved by transferring to a higher level of support. To a world where you can't ask your supervisor to slay the angry customer for you. To a world where you actually have to converse with another person about their hopes and dreams and political views - not just what needs to be fixed in their pc.

I'm not wishing for more money, not knowledge, not even peace... I just want clarity. To be able to see myself clearly and the people around me. To know my place in the world.. to find something that I can offer to the world and help people with.. something that would make feel alive, instead of just existing.

I know it's a tall order, even for my 24th birthday. I may not have clarity - I may be confused with what I want/can/will/ought to/should be/would be doing with my life right now, but if there's one thing that I don't lack - its hope. An unconditional trust in the Supreme Being that he will guide me in figuring it out soon so that he can use me to help other people.

Valentine Blues

2011-02-14T16:15:00.002+08:00

Is there a character that is the equivalent of christmas' Grinch for Valentine? Because if there is.. then I'm definitely on his team.

I opened the paper last week (yes, as if I don't get enough news on the web, I actually have the patience to read through the editorial pages of PDI), and saw this article on young blood. An intelligent and seemingly successful 21 year old woman was whining about how, in her 21 years of existence here on this earth, she has not had a valentine because she's a member of NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth).

Well, I'm not exactly a part of that demographic but I identify with her. It's lonely and depressing to be alone on valentines day and I kinda feel fake if I celebrate it giving roses and chocolates to my folks since I do enough of that on mother's day, father's day - not to mention their respective birthdays. I'm hardly the type to hook up either. I could spend it with my friends (and get stinkin drunk) but my location would not give me that luxury.

Honestly, I think I should just go abroad and work. I feel like I'm no different than an OFW since I don't really have a life here. It would be a great adventure of epic proportions - to be able to meet people from different countries, nationalities, walks of life. I'd be willing to do manual labor - it would be nice to do something that doesn't exhaust my braincells.

Anyway, yeah.. Valentines suck. I don't even have a good book to read. Or a good kdrama to indulge in. Did I mention that Valentines suck? I already did?? well, so does Mondays.. I hate Mondays with a passion. Why do they have to be together.. I thought 2011 is my year (according to the chinese lunar calendar)? Rabbit? wth!? Work your magic!

Funerals and Regrets

2011-01-14T16:00:00.003+08:00

It is always hard to write about death, but I have always felt that writing about painful things helps one heal him or herself.

Yesterday started out ordinarily enough. Woke up, went through my routine, then my sister suddenly asked me to look up flight information for saturday morning. Which I did no questions asked. My mother, ever the fountain of information texted us that our Uncle, my dad's oldest brother passed away last night.

I was shocked. I knew he was weak but I thought that it was more due to his advancing years rather than a pressing illness. I felt sick to my stomach when I remembered my dad reminiscing several months ago that the last time he and his brother actually talked - his brother was asking him to come home and visit, to which my dad replied that he can't because he cannot take time off from work. He said that uncle asked him when he will make time? at his funeral? I guess his words rang true and I can only imagine my dad's grief. He was crying non-stop since he heard the news yesterday till late last night. I never knew my dad to be that emotional. Sure, he cried when we buried his older sister , our favorite tita, and his uncle, our defacto lolo on his side-but never with this much heartbreaking grief. I'm quite worried.

My Uncle, what little bits and pieces I remember of him, was a somber man. He was a busy body who woke up at the crack of dawn and I remember him and his wife making several "banyeras" of suman during our stay at their sprawling colonial house which is right at the center of Calbayog city. They (siblings) have a wide age gap and my dad always said that when most of them were playing, being kids - their kuya had already been working to help clothe, feed and shelter their brood of six. My lolo and lola on my father's side, I was told, died only a couple of months apart so that burden was carried alone by my Uncle until relatives and good Samaritans took in his siblings. Then he got married and created his own family.

I can only imagine how hard that must have been. But what I find astounding is that through it all, through all the moves and through different homes and relatives each sibling went through-they never forgot to keep in touch with each other. Out of the six of them, he was the only one who lived at Samar his whole life. It's like, he's been waiting at home, making sure that he's there if ever one of his siblings decide to visit or stay.

I wish I could have visited them more than once. I wish I had gotten to know him as much as I did Tita Lisa. I wish I could have known my cousins and my nieces and nephews who are probably a lot older than me. I wish our family would have been a lot closer with the rest of our relatives.

So I'll leave this post with Harry Chapin's Cat's Cradle as a reminder to never take one's family for granted in the pursuit of things we think might make us happy.

New Year Dreamin'

2011-01-01T20:43:00.004+08:00

Dreams are funny things. They can either feature one's hopes and aspirations or it could just simply be a nightmare of epic proportions.

So today, due to being up till 4 in the morning, I slept the through the afternoon and was swept away in a dream so freakin' vivid it shook me all the way to my core.

No, it wasn't a nightmare. I think I would have been able to shrug it off easily had it simply been a nightmare. I wish it would have been just a nightmare so I wouldn't feel this emptiness inside.

My dream was simple. I was loved, cared for cherished.. did I mention crazy in love? The guy who I was dreaming about isn't really important although I must admit that he's starring in my dreams more and more frequently though I honestly can't figure out why. The only thing that attracts me to him is his sense of individuality. I think the phrase "marches to his own drum" has been coined specially for him. In reality he's happily inlove with his super hot girlfriend. In short-he's not my typical fantasy material.

Anyway, I'm not gonna elaborate on the scenes. Cuddling, sugar kisses and lots of super cute flirting. Just thinking back on it brings a silly grin and a blush to my face.

My heart races... then just as suddenly... pain.

Pain.. because it isn't real.

Pain, because it's over as soon as I wake up.

Pain.. because no matter how hard I wish it were otherwise, I'm still not that girl in my dream.

And the guy in my dream does not exist in my reality.

Awww man! Its the new year and i'm feeling all maudlin. Maybe I've been watching too many Kdramas.. or maybe I just need to get laid.. hahahaha!

Chopsuey

2010-11-28T23:05:00.003+08:00

Chopsuey. Mixed veggies with quail eggs, pork, or chicken or whatever is in the freezer. Just a jumble of anything and everything under the sun. Describes my emotions to the t.

I'm sad. Sad because fate is fickle and life is unfair. Sad that luck plays too big of a part in our lives and that we can't do anything about it.

Sad that we have to say goodbye to people whom we just met. It also makes me sad that I feel like I wasn't able to prove myself and correct whatever misconceptions these group of people may have formed about me, be it good or bad.

Frustrated. Frustrated that some people can't understand the concept of "live and let live". That choosing sides in an argument is never productive. Frustrated that many people still judge a book by its cover and that they still make snap judgments despite having so many precautionary tales to adhere to.

Relieved that I made it.

Happy that I got to meet this lovely group of people. Happy that I was able to share laughter and a couple of bottles of beer with them.

Grateful for the time, the knowledge, the friendship and the concern.

Most of all, I am excited to go through this path and see where it leads.

redesigning emi

2010-08-02T11:42:00.002+08:00

So.. I've just read something interesting today. Paolo Coelho says that there are three symptoms that a person is killing his/her dreams.

The first one is never having enough time. He said that those who lose their dream tend to not have enough time to do things because they are being complacent because they are not motivated enough to fight the good fight.. to squeeze in whatever else they need to do in one day simply because in not doing so is as good as surrendering. At least that's how I interpreted it.

I realized that yes.. I am quite guilty of this. I always feel like I never have enough time to do half the things i set out to do. I am the only one preventing myself from doing things I want to do simply because I feel that there won't be enough time. Enough time to get home, enough time to finish whatever it is I'm doing, not enough time till my favorite television show starts.. so many excuses when i should have just been trying my best to do whatever i can to finish/participate on activities that further my goal and that would make me happy.

The second symptom he described is having particular certainties in life. I think it means being jaded. Like, if you've lost your sense of wonder towards life or if you believe that there is nothing in this life that could shock you anymore.. then you're in trouble. I think it also means being apathetic to the plight of other people.

I am also guilty on this account. Being a commuter and a regular at the particular industry that i have worked in for 3 years now.. I feel as if i've seen all i need to see, I know what i know - which is quite stupid since it has been drilled into me during college that one never ceases to learn new things. That every experience, every mistake is a lesson learned in reality. I started to think that all these things simply mean that I am simply not capable. I allowed myself to wallow in the belief that i will never be good enough... without even trying.. without even putting up a fight.. without looking at it as a chance to improve and redeem myself someday.

The third and last symptom is peace. I always thought that peace and contentment is a good thing - but apparently, it isn't. I guess what he means is when we are at peace with letting our dreams go, content with whatever meager success we have - then we are killing our dream.

I totally agree and I also feel that i have done this too. When i was at work or in commute.. i would always end up thinking about the view in my bedroom window. Blue skies, leaves swaying outside.. listening to the radio while i try to compose a poem or just doodle through the afternoon various lines or lying in the hammock reading a good book. I also thought to myself before that if i had all the books in the world in an isolated cabin in the forest.. that i would be the happiest person the world to live as a hermit.

But despite being among other people. Working from job to job.. commuting from one city to the next.. i am a hermit. As if i feel no real joy being in the outside world, mingling with people. I can't wait to find time for myself to just simply curl up in bed and read and read and read. A hermit trapped by my search for solace and peace. It's like stumbling into the emergency room, a huge wound bleeding but asking only for morphine then sitting in the corner waiting for life to bleed out of you. It's refusing to fight, to face the world head on that kills one's dreams, i guess.

I think I know what i want to do after reflecting on this. I'm going to start fighting the good fight. I'm gonna start taking chances - saying what i really feel, argue for what i think is right..

but honestly.. i haven't figured it out yet.. my dream. I don't know what my dream is yet. Maybe that's why i feel so lost and unmotivated. I have no dream except for keeping my family safe and healthy.

No worries though.. i'm working on it. I'm gonna find a dream and I'm going to push myself to fight the good fight.. every single day.

lost poems

2009-03-04T15:28:00.001+08:00

here are some poems that i've made that i've recovered from my friendster inbox.

nOeMi wrote:

> fruits of endless hours of not knowing what to

occupy

> my self with.. enjoy..

> >EF-U<

> He turns to me and then he smiles

> Turning on his masculine wiles

> But all I could think about were you hilarious

stories

> And it's the weird faces that you make, when

you tell

> them, that I miss

> He would take my hands between his and kiss

> wrists

> He tells me how smooth and soft they feel and

that

> my perfume is one of a kind

> Yet an image of you, staring at my hands, like a

> starving man to a feast

> Your eyes drifting close as I touch your cheek,

> forever ingrained in my mind

> He would smell and kiss and twirl my hair when

> holds me close

> And he would press a kiss at the back of my

neck

> and nuzzle my nose

> But my memory conjures your fingers, gently

running

> through my hair

> Then teasingly tracing my spine, leaving sweet

little

> shivers everywhere

> When were together, he would wield his guitar

and

> sing to me

> His voice, the sweet melody-all in perfect

harmony

> Yet my ears fell deaf to his song and I hear your

> stupid out-of-tune voice

> The boisterous laughter amidst your painful

version

> of Kiss From a Rose

> I want to make new memories with him but I'm

> trapped by yours

> Wounds that you've left are healing-he's not

repulsed

> by the scars

> I know someday he'd breach my silent walls and

> rescue me

> But for now I weep for things that was, that is

and

> cannot be

> >Summer Insanity<

> Endless summer night sky

> A vast place for my wandering mind

> Looking for answers not meant to find

> Deciphering echoes of times left behind

> A million stars winking all in harmony

> Teasing men about their dreams and destiny

> "Wish upon me, tell me your heart's desires

> For I am you sole confidante in this secret hour

> Some shout their jubilation for the entire world to

see

> Some weep their hearts out silently

> Others blame and curse their fate at the stars

above

> While others revel in their destined love

> And through it all the summer night sky bears

witness

> Silent, sympathetic to our human weaknesses

> Aiding those who seek to break a pact to be

whole

> Consoling the hearts left behind, broken, by

those

> selfish souls

> Summer is a season of utter madness

> A time of nonsensical whispers and careless

kisses

> Time to shed one's deepest inhibitions

> Of wicked, impassioned flirtation

> Summer breaks hearts

> Sometimes it also mends them

> It's a time when new love starts

> While most reach their ending

> Hot and humid days, warm nights

> Possibilities are taking over

> Nothing seems wrong but nothing seems right

> Either way, it's up to you to drink it all in

> ...or stay lonely and sober

RESURRECTED!!

2009-03-02T17:37:00.002+08:00

OMG!!!! I did it! I resurrected my blog.

It's been a while since i posted here, mainly cause i've forgotten my uid and pword. I was also too busy studying and then working.

But today, i suddenly feel nostalgic so i tried to see if i could remember my logins for this blog which was my work in progress in copying and pasting and editing html codes.

I can believe its been almost two years since i last posted here.

I got through my thesis defense, i graduated.

I worked in a callcenter and then resigned.

..that can't be right, i was able to sum up 2 years of my life in two sentences.. pathetic.

downloading songs.. going to games..

2006-09-16T13:45:00.000+08:00

waaaaaaaaaahhhhh.. its thesis week.. and what the hell am i doing? NOTHING that's what! Just finished volleyball practice and im feeling great.. wala lang.. i like playing volleyball, it releases a lot of stress..

I am officially kissing dating goodbye

2006-08-13T18:27:00.000+08:00

I'm a Christian and i'm through not doing anything about it. I feel like a fraud because God does so much for me and yet, i question myself, what do i do for him? I've read purpose driven life and i am amazed how God is so insightful, how omnipotent he is, cuz he found the one thing that could reach through my barriers.. books.

Since i've read ppdl.. i find myself wanting to read other christian books..

one time, Rica gave me a brochure of christian books-and a title jumped out at me. It was boy meets girl by Joshua Harris. During those times, i was praying to God, asking him to "please, please, let me experience love" nyahaha.. how corny is that?!! but the truth is, I really did feel lonely. Before i go to sleep at night, i ask myself, what good did i do to a person today? I know i sound hypocritical, but its true, i do ask myself weird questions to put me to sleep. It's my mind's way of rewinding and unloading all my thoughts. And all those answers i could find to that certain question seems to lack something. I guess, i wanted to be needed and to feel like my existance meant something to somebody out there, beyond the superficial, beyond the material things i could offer. Anyway, i've been asking God that and now, realize that he has given me an answer. When that book title jumped out at me amidst others, it was the start of God's loving reply. I looked that book up and saw that it was for couples. a friend saw me looking at it, my face must have mirrored my disappointment, cuz she told me that there was a book by that same author-a best selling book for singles entitled "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"

weird.. but this book pretty much tells me to wait.. its beginning to strengthen my resolve to wait.. nyahahha.. basta.. its really something.. im having so much fun reading it..

I encourage others to read it.. young and old alike.. Christian or not..

a day at Avilon Zoo

2006-03-18T18:19:00.000+08:00

wahehehehe.. ansaya ng day na toh.. (gawd.. i sound like Kris Aquino.. bleah..) anyway, me and a couple of classmates and these kids we teach at MILC went to this awesome zoo at the heart of montalban rizal.. i wasn't disappointed, infact, on the contrary, i was quite surprised and exhilirated.. who would have thought that a grown girl like me could feel like a child at a candy store t a zoo??!! heheh.. it was really cool, i particularly liked the talking Mayana birds.. one meows, says panget then goodbye.. another one says hello, hah? and talaga.. it was really funny.. so funny in fact that we went back without the tour group.. frankly im surprised that Avilon Zoo is not really that known to more people.. for me it is the ultimate destination if you guys wanna have good clean fun with your family with the kids. Their animals are well maintained-unlike in manila zoo wherein the animals are malnourished. They have beautiful animals.. each and everyone in good health, very clean (that if you want, they can take it out of the cage and let you pet it, unless of course it is highly deadly..)and really human friendly.. :)) it's so vast that we nearly got lost.. o yea.. in case ur wondering, the entrance is only 188 Php.. anyway, back to my adventure(man, im so depraved that i consider visiting the zoo such a thrilling event.. huhuhuhu..) i got to pet the hawk, a huge owl and an eagle, it was soo cool and they are such magnificent creatures.... another unforgettable event for me, is the one when a couple of us went back to see the big cats.. the puma won't come out, the jaguar was sleeping-so was the cheetah and.. the huge tiger was cleaning himself by his railings... and so we took pictures of him (im not really certain but since it seems petulant and suplado, i decided to call it a he.), oohed and ahhed over him cuz he's such a magnificent cat and he growled back a little.. well, that shouild have warned us but it didn't, he suddenly stood up and roared up at us, frightening us a bit but eventually making us laugh.. anyway, he's really glorious.. i wish i could post the pix to show you just how much, but i can't cuz i don't have much time.. newei..

ciao.. hoping u had a great day just like i did..

the only permanent thing in this world is change

2006-03-12T15:45:00.000+08:00

what can i say? its been a while since i updated my blog. i must admit, i still have apparent fondness for this blog which i have painstakingly put together during those endless, sleepless summernights.

as i have said in the title.. change is the only thing permanent in this world.. and one of the major change in my world recently is having to move from qc to the province of Bulacan. Though i still study in PLM, its still a major change for me. I'm still a city gurl through and through-make no mistake about that. I must admit though that coming home to the province is much more relaxing than having a home in the city.

newei.. since we and my family moved, my net connection is severed and here i am renting a pc.. hahhhyy.. :((

ciao..

back to school once more..

2005-11-04T20:36:00.000+08:00

hahhyy.. enrollment n s monday.. back to the harrying days of trying to do everything in an hour or so while the professor is watching.. *sigh* i wish i hadn't agreed to become a society officer. i can't even sleep at night without worrying about stuff. can't even go through my sembreak without regretting or worrying about things concerning the society. next year, if i ever have the urge to hold an office.. will someone immediately hit me with a rock as soon as possible. sure i could take care of a few people but not a whole department definitely. anyway, if any of my classmates is reading this, please don't forget huh..

I'm busy throwing hints that he keeps missing
Don't have to think about it
I Wanna kiss and
Everything around it but he's too distant
I wanna feel his body
I can't resist it

I know my hidden looks can be deceiving
But how obvious should a girl be?
I was taken by the early conversation piece
And I really like the way that he respect me

I've been waiting patiently for him to come and get it
I wonder if he knows that he can say it and I'm with it
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Catch this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

I'm busy showing him what he's been missing
I'm kind of showing off for his full attention
My sexy ass has got him in the new dimension
I'm ready to do something to relieve this mission

After waiting patiently for him to come and get it
He came on through and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

I've been dropping so many hints
You’re still not getting it
Now that you’ve heard everything I have to say
Where we gonna go from here?

After waiting patiently for him to come and get it
He came over and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control
(I control)

If you're ready for me boy
(For me boy)
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
(Oh, oh)
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

....mwahha.. here's mah fave song ryt now.. its soOO nice. i really love sugababes. the lyrics are so sexy. anyway, here's my second fave song..

Oh, baby dolls

I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do)
Thats why whenever I come around shes all over you
And I know you want it (I know you want it)
It's easy to see (it's easy to see)
And in the back of your mind
I know you should be home with me

[Chorus]
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Dont cha, dont cha
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Dont cha, dont cha

Fight the feeling (fight the feeling)
Leave it alone (leave it alone)
Cause if it aint love
It just aint enough to leave a happy home
Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly)
You have to play fair (you have to play fair)
See, I dont care
But I know she aint gon' wanna share

[Chorus]
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Dont cha, dont cha , baby
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Dont cha, dont cha

I know I'm on your mind
I know we'll have a good time
I'm your friend
I'm fun
And I'm fine
I aint lying
Look at me, you aint blind [2x]

See, I know she loves you (I know she loves you)
I understand (I understand)
I'd probably be just as crazy about you
If you were my own man
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)
Possibly (possibly)
Until then, Oh friend your'e secret is safe with me

[Chorus]
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Dont cha, dont cha
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Dont cha, dont cha

... hehehe.. don't cha!!!!!!

i wonder if i've gained a few pounds after such boring and fruitless week that i spent watching tv and surfing the net then sleeping.. hehe.. i'll let my classmates bethe judge..

updating.. updating..

2005-10-26T21:43:00.000+08:00

well, i finally have a very short sembreak.. and a very short time to update my blog. between all my school work and homestuff, i really dont have much time to look much less update my blog.. so here i am, trying to make amends..

my mom bought a house in Bulacan. I am really happy about our new neighborhood.. it seems nice.. but we wont be moving there till who knows when.. the jury is still out on that one..

i have a lot happening in my life right now but im not really in the mood for sharing.. instead, id rather post a poem ive made a couple of weeks ago.. i havent figured out a title for it yet.. o yea.. i made it myself.. i know its no dickinson but please dont copy it and post it as your own.. its not that good anyway.. please... thanks..!

I've always been a level-headed kind of girl
But when you give me that look, my insides begin to whirl
There's something about you that makes me lose my sanity
It's like suddenly being thrashed like a bouy in a particularly violent sea

As it turns out, im not as weird and as different as i thought
For females flock to you like a fire attracts hordes of moth
But boy, im not playing at their kind of game
Out to claim you for their own fame

I must warn you though, i don't fool around
I get what i want, as cocky as that may sound
I have no plans of playing in that game you must have played a couple of times before
The kind that morning leaves a girl in rumpled sheets as you're starting for the door

But i do want you...

i want you like the sahara craves rain
i want you like morphine, to take away my pain
i need your love as i need air to live
i hunger for your love that you never give

damn it.. how do i make you mine?
how much farther must i cross the line?
but then again i've already discarded my rules
havent i proven that i am the best among these fools?

So here it is, my last desperate attack
get ready to be amazed and shocked
For i will rock your world till all your walls have fallen down
And i'll emerge as your woman amidst all these clowns

----

its a bit weird, don't you think? i know its my poem but.. eeekk.. i wonder if i would really go so far to win a guy's heart? but then again, society frowns upon that so.. waahh.. i dunno..

this poem is not dedicated to any particular person, or object..

The week that was

2005-09-11T10:15:00.000+08:00

Im still reeling in from this weeks ups and downs. I feel as though I’ve been dragged through manila a thousand times… literally! Last Friday, I was so happy that our society’s general assembly went great despite the fact that so many things tried to thwart us from our goal, it was so annoying! They know they can’t win! Hehehe..

Saturday, August 13, 2005, Aira dragged me to the 25th Manila International Book Fair. I had such a grand time. I met up with my god parents and helped my godmother pick out books for their library in AdU. Must be nice being alibrarian and getting to pick your books and the school will be paying for it. Hahhyy.. it was so nice. All the sales people were treating my ninang as if she was royalty although she was dressed quite simply. I felt like a kid in a candy store that could only get free tastes and can’t afford to buy some.. it was sheer torture!!! Anyway, I stayed with them till nine in the evening. At first my mom was furious but when she found out that I was with my godparents she was quite relieved. I received so many give aways.. bags, cups, calendars and a really nice poster saying I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT BOOKS. It was nice too because it also had quotations from famous people on how important and how pleasurable reading could be. We went to a book launching in one of the function rooms (hehe, there was free merienda too!). it was by the CCP (cultural Center of the Philippines)they launched Ani:31 Mga Tula ng Puso (Harvest:31 Poems of Love) it was the 31st addition to the harvest series which feature Filipino Literary works. There was a reading and it was passionate and quite graphic but the pinoy’s romantic side shines through quite clearly. Most of the poems were in the vernacular. There was pangasinense, ilocano, cebuano.. and so much more. It was quite a read. Then they launched a documentary on the late Pacita Abad. She was quite the painter. It was titled “groovy” which perfectly describes her art. It was colorful, vibrant and so full of life! After that we went to a reflexology class. It was very informative too! I was exhausted but what the heck; I totally dug my day at the fair.

Monday was such a shock for me. Two of my fellow org officers.. or maybe three.. had a falling out, and im in the middle of it. They’re patching it up nanaman.. well, I hope so, for the org’s sake. I reported about Medieval Inquisition in our Social and Political Theories and Movements class. It went great! I loved talking about Joan of Arc and how she was burned at the stake for heresy when the king had no more use for her in the war. But the results of the quiz I gave was quite disappointing. It was about European Feudalism only a few of my classmates passed despite our very lively discussion.

Tuesday, I brought my CCP calendar of events to school and my May back ish of Cosmo w/c I also bought at the fair. I browsed through it and found something that caught my interest. It was a play entitled “Ang Pokpok ng Ohio” (the whore from Ohio). Me and a couple of friends decided to save up money to watch the play by October. Our dicussion then turned to documentaries and my classmate told me that the I-witness docufest will be held at SM manila the following day. I was so psyched!

Wednesday was interesting enough. I answered every question thrown at me in the Hermes quiz correctly, world geography test was cancelled, so I literally couldn’t wait to go to SM manila and watch the docufest. I was so disappointed when, as it turns out, it will be this coming Saturday.

Thursday, I attended our outreach group on YOF. It was very emotional for me.

Friday, mam hicarte had a long talk with me, it was also emotional and I thank her and God for giving me a chance to know a person like her. She helped me ask God to take away all my guilt feeling over my aunt’s death that I was surprised to feel that I had carried for quite while..

Saturday! Docufest here I come. First I met up with Caloy and some other officers. I gave them money from the org’s treasure chest to print the shirt. Anyway, I hurried to the theaters and sure enough, Raffy Tima’s “Basura” was there on the big screen, I was so lucky that I was given a seat although most of the people were standing up. I sat next to the I-witness crew. I wouldn’t go into detail about the docus here. But I really had a great time.

Now it’s Sunday, I have nothing to do but reflect on the past week..

of beauty

2005-08-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

isa to sa mga pinakaseryoso at pinakamaayos kong post ever.. well, at least i hope that it would be..

they say beauty is relative.. in fact, in an episode of Joan of Arcadia, God said that everything is relative, except for him of course; if that's the case, then why do we have biases? Why do we put so much effort on how we look? Why are there still lines between good-looking people and ugly people-why are there words for them? Why are we always insecured? why can't we be happy with how we look? of what we truly are? I really don't understand.

Last tuesday, our topic in sociology is oppression and discrimination. so eventually, the topic between discrimination through looks came to light. as proud as i am of our male classmates who ALL confessed about being discriminant due to a female's physical attributes-i am appalled. i dunno why. i considered them.. i dunno.. mature enough to.. hmm.. i dunno.. basta.. i felt there was something missing.. but that cant be.. kasi LAHAT sila.. so maybe the problem is with me, maybe, i was expecting too much.. or maybe im being too self-righteous..

today, i was alone in the LSL office with an officer. He's gay and he's pretty much into making himself as feminine as possible. He's good looking in a way nice skin and eyes, okay hair.. great female singing voice too. He has boyfriendSSS, he's got friends. he can afford to regularly go to a spa or a beauty salon an yet, he's telling me that he's still not contented. He confessed that sometimes he gets so depressed in looking at the mirror that he just simply cries. i dunno if it's just exagerration on his part or whatever, but i believe that statements like that could not be uttered without any truth in it. I suddenly thought to myself "if u cry by just looking at the mirror, then maybe i should just slit my wrist whenever i see myself reflected in any surface.." I mean.. hello.. where's you're self-worth? it's just the packaging.. it will eventually shrivel up and die someday but what's inside remains forever not only inside of you but eventually inside the people whose lives you've touched. Is your life so worthless that your imperfections move you to tears or even sadness? Is it so shallow that you base your being on how others percieve your physical appearance? Common! u have your boyfriends! why not start somewthing meaningful and self-satisfying (and i don't mean start having sex or some other crazy things)and maybe even intimate. My guess is that he's trying too hard to be perfect physically because he is so insecured of himself... but i didn't say anything.. all i said was.. "yea.. ganyan talaga.. we all have days like that.." im pretty much a crappy friend aren't I?

back to beauty; they say that it's what's inside that counts, how can anybody show what's inside when nobody gives them a shot because they are too dull. i think society has been hiding behind this saying...

hmm.. i am human.. and i do need sleep. im gonna be continuing this by tommorow afternoon..

o yea.. here's me.. warts, pimples and all.. well, pimples anyway.. i don't have warts yet..

...

haapppeeee!!!

2005-08-05T18:36:00.000+08:00

Its such a wonderful day today. Natapos na yung mga dapat kong tapusin na report. and i believe that my teaching is up to par kanina. im so happy na wala na meng report, till next week anyway-oh well, that gives me enough time to make my visuals. blue and orange yung theme ng visuals ko.. ansakit sa mata pero.. cute! wala nanaman kaming klase sa ed.eval. mam ramos talaga eh.. but what the heck am i complaining for.. saya nga eh.. Feudalism ang topic ko for monday. I love it-sobra.. makes me think of dashing barons, handsome knights in shining armor and me as the beautiful damsel in distress. mwahahahahhahahha!!! kausap ko nanaman si insan Ren. kulit talaga.. anyway, i miss her ate renalyn.. saya ng buhay nya, sa gapo kasi sya ngaun.. libre load from tita kea di na napagod sa kakataext sakin.

nakakalungkot lang kasi di ako nakapag don bosco ngaun.. and another REALLy sad news.. Patay na si Roco-i've always liked him kasi he fought for the rights of women and youth. he's one of those politicians who i looked up to, and now, he's gone-just when the country needs a decent politician. nakaktuwa.. daming online ngaun.. :)

same shit different day

2005-07-25T09:27:00.000+08:00

i've been trying to get away from my responsibilities for 4 days now. I've become such a useless creature.. lurking in the sofa, rummaging through my pocketbook collection.. not having any appetite.. in short.. im a mess.

although of course, when you see me at school, you pretty much won't notice it. anyway.. enough about that. its time for me to regal you of my boob-tube finds.

last saturday and last night.. i was glued to the Lifestyle Channel. I'm no martha stewart wanne be or am i dreaming to be the next tyra banks or naomi campbell. i just found something really interesting in this channel that i usually by pass unless there is an E! entertainment special or revealed. NO! IM NOT TORTURING MYSELF W/Jaques Torres' chocolate recipes and tantalizing desert ideas... I was watching a german movie titled "ANTONIA" whew.. was it complicated or what! God, it was such a wonderful movie. I wonder if Edsel would be so nice as to review it. Anyway, it's about Antonia, she is a law student who was also a part-time paparazzi. she happened to snap a picture of the Count Leonhart Ahrendorrf with a woman. Also included in the picture was an unknown man. Anyway, Leonhartd pursue her until he got the film. It was quite a long movie-more or less four hours that was why it was cut in two parts. Anyway, i wasn't bored by it. there was so many twists and turns in the plot that there was not one single unimportant scene. Basically, it was a drama, mixed with suspense and action. There was also a bit of comedy involved but all the same it was very touching...

i wonder if i could find a pirated DVD of it in Quiapo. It would be soO worth it even if I bought the original. anyway.. did i mention that the woman who portrayed antonia had likeness to sandra bullock's jaw line and face shape? while her smile resembles Julia Roberts' and her body type is like... like... man.. i can't think of any hollywood type as voluptous as this woman. She's so sexy! She's like queen latifah, minus about a couple of pounds but the boobs are the same size. she's really hot. and the men.. aw my gawd.. Leonhardt has really pretty deep blue eyes while moritz has light green eyes. The casting director did a great job and the actors/actresses are really very talented.

suddenly im so open to foreign languaged films. i wanna see "hable con ella"...

anyway.. antonia is such an intense movie. i wouldn't mind seeing it again.

back to the real world. PGMA will be presenting her SONA in a matter of hours a couple of meters from where i live... arrgghh.. what is happening to my country??!!!!!

Im free writing cuz I think I did something really wrong and I am feeling very guilty about it.

2005-07-20T23:29:00.000+08:00

It’s eleven oclock, and im still awake.. writing this cuz I think I wont be able to sleep tonight. Why do I feel guilty when I shouldn’t be? All I did was tell a fact. Maybe I am feeling guilty cuz I think I might’ve made it seem worse than it sounds? I dunno. I’m so confused, sorry, humiliated, aggravated.. arrgghh whatever! So this was why warning bells were ringing in my head. But I did heed the warning, I did think a million times before I said anything.. I thought about it a number of times before I blurt it out? Then why am I suddenly feeling as if I’ve made a wrong decision? Why do I feel like I’ve made someone feel that things are much worse than they actually are? Why, oh why do I want to cry and just pound something till my knuckles bruise? I can’t say that I didn’t think.. cuz I did! And yet my judgment at that time told me that it was the right thing to do. It seemed logical.. yet now.. it seems very trivial. Whatever it was, tapos na sya. Also, I’m beginning to feel that I’ve made the wrong assumptions. Arrgghh!! Bat ngaun ko lang naalala tong catch phrase na to??!! ASSUME makes an ASS out of U and ME. Damn it.. pag pagod na ko dapat talaga di na ko pinag oopinyon. Di dapat ako pinagsasalita. Parang feel ko kasi talaga mali yung mga tenses na sinabi ko. Tapos na yun, wala nang kasunod. Arrgghh!! Please!!! Lemme turn back time!!!!! I hate myself. If u knew me well enough, then alam nyo na bihira ako magdrama ng ganito. Di ko alam kung anong kalalabasan ng nasabi ko ngayong gabing ito, ngunit sa mga taong masasaktan o maapektuhan, pinapangunahan ko na kayo ng sorry. Maiintindihan ko kung hindi nyo na nanaisin na makipagassociate sakin It’s no less than I deserve.

Siguro dadating ang pagkakataon na titignan ko tong post kong ito at matatawa ako sa kababawan ko.. pero ngayon.. wala eh.. nahihiya, naiiyak, naasar lang ako sa sarili ko.

Home Study Program

2005-07-06T20:58:00.000+08:00

I'm so excited.. as in sobra.. not excited as in natutuwa but more on anticipation. Pano ko kea matuturuan yung mga bata dun sa bosco? me matututunan kaya sila saken? it doesn't get more real than this. I hope this would be a success. I so want to help.. at least in my own way. I may not be rich enough to give them money but i reckon that i have enough knowledge to start them on their way.

Me and my mom had a very heated argument just a couple of hours ago. She was suggesting that i go to Canada-and the first words out of my mouth was... "NO WAY WILL I BE SOME SPOILED BRAT'S YAYA" i think she was really taken aback by what i blurted out. So i prattled on about NOT WASTING 4 YEARS OF MY LIFE-NOT TO MENTION THE CITY GOVERNMENT OF MANILA'S MONEY-STUDYING- JUST TO COOK AND CLEAN AND WIPE SOMEONE ELSE'S Ass. When i settled down a bit-it was her turn to lecture me about.. kweh? come to think about it.. i never really listened to what she was saying. My mind was made up. The only way that they would get me to set foot on that frigid country is if I will be teaching there-as a bonafide professional teacher. no way am i settling for less.

anyway.. nuff about that.. i have an unfinished story here.. i hope you guys would comment on it.. it is actually finished but i havent typed it all yet.. this is about 1/3 of my story.. anyway.. here it goes.. enjoy..

“Hey
Somere!”

“Oh
Brent! It’s you!” Somere replied, startled by Brent’s sudden greeting.

Stupid
moron.. how dare he show his face to me??

“So, how
was it? Is it what you’ve imagined it to be??” Somere asked with a bit of
sarcasm that she can’t quite hide.

Brent
seemed oblivious.

“Oh, the
play?? Oh Wow! Actually.. it went beyond my expectations. They all performed
much better than they did at practice. I guess actors really do work best under
pressure..” Brent enthusiastically shared. While Somere blustered inwardly.

Oh I
bet.. no pressure at all especially for you, the main character.. you seemed so
relaxed.. so friggin cocky and confident.. most evidently in that sweet sweet
kiss in the finale.. with Sandra.. damn..

Seeing
as Somere has no inclination to take over the conversation like she usually
does. Brent decided to take the lead. “So.. are you gonna give us good
reviews? You need pictures to go along with your article in the school
paper??” He asked with a bit of a smile.

Oh no
you don’t.. you don’t get squat! I hated the play.. hated it.. it’s a
blatant mockery of everything the theatre stands for.. Okay.. Oh boy.. get a
hold of yourself Somere.. it wasn’t really that bad... actually.. it was quite
wonderful..

BUT..
Sandra really lacked acting skills.. so she made up for it with her incredible
lip-locking skills.. or should I give the credit to Brent??

Somere
was bowed down all the while.. before looking up at Brent and plastering a fake
smile into her face. “Yea.. sure.. the story was great and the ending.. was..
well.. it was so much more passionate than I had expected.” Somere’s smile
faltered a bit. Remembering the kiss that had stunned the whole audience,
students and teachers alike, Somere can’t help feeling a stab of jealousy,
especially when she speculated how thoroughly Brent and Sandra must have
practiced.

“so
you too huh.. everyone’s talking about it.. some seniors even approached me
this morning, with Sandra’s humongous jock boyfriend to express their dislike
of the ending..” Brent announced grimly.

Somere
quickly checked her companion out for bruises. Sandra’s very jealous, very
possessive boyfriend is one of the school bullies. It would not be unusual for
him and his posse to beat the living daylights out of Brent. So far she could
see no obvious damage. Brent is perfect, as usual. “You okay??” Somere
finally asked in a voice choked by concern.

He
better be okay. Or I swear to God I will use every connection I have.. tell
every friggin “accident” that big oaf got into.. to the principal. I vow
that I will get him kicked out and make his life a living hell if he ever
touched one strand of Brents chocolate hair.

Brent
flashed his 1000 megawatts smile. “Yea.. im fine.. nothing physical.. verbal
sparring.. that’s all..”

I
don’t believe you for one second Brent. I’m gonna find out exactly what
happened. Verbal sparring my ass! Sandra’s boyfriend doesn’t have enough
words in his vocabulary for a verbal push.

“I
don’t know what’s all the fuss about anyway. It’s just a kiss. So it’s
with a pretty girl, big deal! A kiss is only between the two people who are
doing it and how they feel about each other..” Brent said to himself

emo mode nanaman..

2005-07-04T18:12:00.000+08:00

aaaarrrrgghh.. di ko na lam kung anong mas masakit.. tong ulo ko.. o etong kapiraso ng laman na tinatawag kong puso..

Breakdown
VERSE 1
You call yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended to beel similarly
And led you to believe I was O.K.
To just walk away from the thing
That's unyielding and scared to me
CHORUS 1
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going the extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly loosing my my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And trun down all the lights and then break down and cry

VERSE 2
So what do you do when somebody you're devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't
got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say "How dare you leave leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away

CHORUS 2
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going the extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly loosing my my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry

Rap 1 Wish Bone
Rap 2 Krayzie Bone
Rap 3 Wish Bone
Rap 4 Krayzie Bone

CHORUS 3
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going the extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly loosing my my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry

.. wala lang.. emo mode pa din.. yoko nah!!!!

emo mode pa din

2005-07-04T09:12:00.000+08:00

baket ba ganito ang buhay? yung gusto mo, di ka gusto. ang sarap sarap ianalyze and lahat ng datos.. lahat ng posibilidad ngunit sa huli.. ano nga ba? bakit nga ba? bakit sya at hindi ako? pisikal nga lang ba tlaga? when it comes right down to it, nang... waaaahhh. shadap! shadap! wala nanamang kwenta ang sinasabi ko.. hahhhhyyyyy..

etong kanta para sakin... naghahanap ng kakanta

Tell Me Where it Hurts
MYMP

Why is that sad look in your eyes
Why are you crying?
Tell me now, tell me now
Tell me, why you're feelin' this way
I hate to see you so down, oh baby!

Is it your heart
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
Makin' you feel blue
Is there anything that I can do

[CHORUS:]
Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make the tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts
Now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

Where are all those tears coming from
Why are they falling?
somebody, somebody, somebody leave your heart in the cold
You just need somebody to hold on, baby
(Give me a chance)
To put back all the pieces
Take hold of your heart
Make it just like new
There's so many things that I can do

[Chorus]

[Instrumental]

Is it your heart
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
Makin' you feel blue
Is there anything that I can do

[CHORUS]

Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me baby
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make the tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts
Now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh, and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

emo mode

2005-07-02T22:22:00.000+08:00

ewan ko kung baket.. okay naman me kanina.. ah ewan.. cant concentrate.. waaaaaaahhhh.. im not making any sense.. as usual..

although feel ko natuto ako ng sobra sa seminar ni sir.. ganun pala tlaga un.. next time na mapdpad samin yung pamangkin ko.. pagsusulatin ko yun.. heheh..

nanalo kaya si Harry kanina??

Waaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!! christian Bautista.. mahal kita!!!!!!

natatawa ako sa mga comments ng kapatid ko sa mga pinaka recent pix nameng mga ss..

il be posting them soon..

..or better yet.. pa print ko kaya yung iba??!!! minimum of 10 prints sa island photo kaso 7.50 per print.. samantalang sa photoline 6 lang.. kaso di ko sure kung me minimum na number of prints.. ah basta..

eto pa... mga knta ng tulad ko..

Secret Love - Jojo

Boy you’re so hard to believe
Boy you’re so hard to believe

Just a friend
That’s all I’ve ever been to you
Oh just a girl
Who wants to be the center of your world
But I ain’t got much to offer
But my heart and soul
And I guess that’s not enough
For you to notice me
I’m just a girl
And I guess that’s all I’ll ever be to you
To you

Chorus:
I try to smile when I see other girls with you
Acting like everything is ok
But ohh
You don’t know how it feels to be so in love
With someone who doesn’t even know
My secret love

In my dreams
I see us both together constantly
Why can’t you see
This love that’s here for you inside of me
Ohhh
What do I have to do
For you to notice this
You look at her with love
With me it’s just friendship
I’m just your girl
And I guess that’s all I’ll ever be to you
To you

Chorus:
I try to smile when I see other girls with you
Acting like everything is ok
But ohh
you don’t know how it feels to be so in love
With someone who doesn’t even know
My secret love

Bridge:
What do you see in her
You don’t see in me (don’t see in me)
Boy you’re so hard to believe
Why do you show her love
But there’s none for me
Boy you don’t make sense to me
Cause I don’t have much to offer
But my heart and soul
And I guess that’s not enough
For you to notice me
I’m just your girl
And I guess that’s all I’ll ever be to you
To you

Chorus:
I try to smile when I see other girls with you
Acting like everything is ok (everything ain’t ok)
But ohh
you don’t know how it feels to be so in love (so in love with you baby)
With someone who doesn’t even know
My secret love

Boy you’re so hard to believe

.....

just rip my heart out.. its of no use to me anyway.. whatevers left of it..

turning over a new lay-out

2005-06-30T22:56:00.000+08:00

What a day! I’ve finally finished most of the stuff which I had to do. TES stuff and reporting stuff which has been constantly giving me nightmares these past few weeks. I can’t even lie down a bit and NOT think about what I SHOULD be doing. Anyway, I finally decided that I needed a change of company and scenery… hmm.. I think I’m going too fast.. maybe I should start mentioning about our classes first.. NO.. I should probably tell you all about my newly lay-out-ed blog. Well, here it is. I think it’s a bit cleaner than the other one and much more gloomy-it definitely captured the real me.. hehe.. well.. not really.. some people tell me that I am quite bubbly and energetic. Enough about that.. of course I would like to thank Photokicho for providing us hapless ignorants when it comes to web designing, a really beautiful lay-out. Hmm.. I hope that some people heeded my advertisement.. Anybody who has nothing to do.. I finally got myself a PC that connects me to friendster. Okay.. I was a bit late coming into our Asian Civilization class but when I got there, Mam Gil is not yet inside-how lucky can a girl get? Daddy Anniel’s report was about Uzbekistan, whose capital is Tushkent and whose main export is cotton and has at least 97% literacy rate. Okay.. forward to Social and Political Theories and Movements Class. My highlight of this class was when the whole class was arguing about the “Gloriagate” scandal.. then the discussion turned into robbery then my teacher told us girls that when a guy attacks us, we must seem submissive then strike at the least suspected moment by elbowing or kicking or squeezing their groin as hard as we humanly can.. as in.. then she said that the groin is the guy’s weak point – it is where his life depended.. then she said that if the guy’s groin is where his life was depended, in girls, she said it’s the boobs. The class went wild with laughter. But she is right.. I’ll try to keep that advice in mind.. heheh.. after classes.. I wanted to go home na, but then Kim approached me and said that Kat will be meeting with her this afternoon and if I wanted to come too.. I said yes because I wanted a change of company. I nearly wasn’t able to oblige her since the SC called for a meeting.. thank god it was someone else’s turn to go.. so me and kim went into booksale. She was reading this book titled “girl2girl” – don’t be pervs! Its an inspirational book that is made to encourage people to look at queer sexuality in a lighter tone. Me, I bought a novel by Johanna Lindsey. When it was finally time to meet the lovely Kat. We’ve never really been.. really close in the past.. probably because there were too many people around to meet, rather than to be able to talk to them one on one. Anyway, she’s fun company and quite thoughtful too. She’s often smiling-giving that aura of warmth.. Although at first I felt left out but it worked out okay. Ah.. yea.. I’d like to thank Gianne (or is it Gian? Waaahh.. im confused..) for another grain of knowledge added to my very dense brain. I have got to try that on to my soc. Scie classmates. After we got too cold inside SM, we went to the walls and I suddenly discovered my xtreme fear of heights-oh well, maybe because I have no faith in my shoes or the length of my palda. Ah basta.. I had one hell of a time climbing the walls. But it was fun.. I had to admit.. I haven’t laughed so hard since last week. Anyway, we just talked to one another till – being the good girl that I am – announced that It is time for me to go home already. They obliged and I was able to catch a fastrans bus going home. Iwas so surprised when the conductress only charged me 21 pesos-when the guy yesterday charged me 27 and the lady conductress when I went to school charged me 22. they all belonged to one bus company. Anyway.. im not complaining.. I think they are quite partial to female students such as myself. Funny thing though.. a three Japanese (or were they Korean?? Im confused) exchange students entered the crowded bus. And so they were forced to stand till somebody vacated their seats. One of the girls sat next to me and began sleeping.. she was swaying right to left.. from my arm to the arm of the person on the aisle seating opposite us. I was amused.. but being the nice person that I am, I woke her when people were to pass on the aisle (which her head blocks a bit.. cuz she is swaying..) anyway.. basta.. its really funny.. she looked like that girl who was engaged to Carlo even before he met Vivian in lovers in Paris. She’s cute… but mas cute yung guy that was with them. He is the humanized version of Kageyama from gatekeepers.. with the dark glasses and all.. I was a bit disappointed that he wasn’t the one who sat next to me..
I got home safe and sound and looking forward to another day..

constantly crazy about constantine maroulis

2005-06-24T17:04:00.000+08:00

yea.. i know AI has been over for a couple of weeks now. But i was so delighted when i saw constantine on an episode of elimidate. He was absolutely hilarious. I really love him (ack!!!) waaahhh.. i can't seem to get his boyish charms out of my head. although i must admit he really was a bit gay-ish on that show. the way he folds his arms and the way he talks about the other guys. The girl was soO lucky, but i gotta admit she is pretty smart too. She cut the over-bearing pompous guy second. anyway.. i thought constantine was gonna lose so i was ecstatic when he didn't. heheh.. nobody could resist his charms even then. with the black leather pants and chocolate colored jacket and that endearing smile and that powerful and heady voice.... who the fuck can withstand that kind of hedonistic assault? some of the guys even taunted him, calling him a queen (pertaining to the rock group) wannabe. they even criticized him of being a traditional greek. waaahhhhh!!! i am so grateful that i cut school!!!!!!!!!! hehehheehhehe.. although i missed somebody.. and that somebody had been constantly plaguing my dreams these past few nights.. arrrgggghhh!!! i can't stand it anymore..

ok.. im speaking gibberish again.. ive got some pix that i would like to share to my peeps.. could anybody suggest a photo hosting site which allows at least 1mb per photo? i hate to destroy my pics by using photo hosting that shrink my pix..

wuv u ol.. keep on livin loud..

A Candidate for my "Shitty-est Day Ever" Award

2005-06-16T08:44:00.000+08:00

My day started out ordinarily enough. I got to school on time. My professors were great. I had nothing to complain about… until classes were over.

As Mam Hicarte dismissed us, a former classmate and a fellow org officer dragged me to an SC (student council) meeting. He then told me that he had to leave me to attend the meeting alone on behalf of our org because he has class cards to pass to his current prof. So I said okay, since, obviously, I had no choice. The meeting lasted for an hour. Basically the meeting was all about the upcoming mardigras and field work for the foundation day celebration on Sunday. After the meeting, I went to the CR and horror of all horrors, my damn period had just started. I debated whether I should just go straight home and do my best to hide the stain(thank God there wasn’t much) or should I buy new “stuff” and “stuff” then clean my self up in the mall first. Well, there’s a no brainer. I went straight to the mall and bought the things I needed. When I’m all cleaned up, naturally, I went looking for a ride home. While I was walking a dark alleyway, I stepped into a drainage-opening ankle deep in dark, dirty and murky water. Talk about unfortunate. I wanted to cry right there and then but my adult self told me that that would be childish, not to mention, very weird and pointless. So I shrugged it off. I was getting impatient so when a bus pulled over, I hopped onto it, hoping that there would at least be seats available. Sadly, there were none. So spent the hour ride to our house standing in a crowded air-con bus. Thank God the guy standing next to me was no perv. That would have sucked not to mention I might have snapped out of my sanity.

And so I finally got home, wet, dirty and very very tired.

I hope my org mates call me soon because our org have some monumental tasks to do.

why i hate shopping

2005-06-14T06:59:00.000+08:00

shocking isn't it? noemi:the girl who hates shopping. i'm probably one of the few in our sex that feels the way i do about shopping. i consider it a time consuming, energy draining and totally dull chore. Oh sure, there are cute sales clerks lurking about the malls, flashing their winning smiles and come hether looks to giggling and unsuspecting victims, but to tell you the truth, id rather they hire people who are ordinary looking. Those who won't distract the customers from looking for exactly what they are looking for. Not that i am ever distracted; since i pay as much attention to a hovering sales clerk as i do to a fly on a wall.

Anyway, i have to post about my shopping trip yesterday. It started out a little bit weird. I was walking back and forth, trying to look for a proper spot to flag down an FX taxi, when suddenly, this guy started calling me. "Miss.. miss.. wait.." so i looked back and stopped walking a bit. When he reached me.. he looked straight at me and said in filipino "Miss, would you mind if I ask you a question?" He looked like he urgently needed the answer and decent enough so i said "Sure, what is it?" Then he shocked me by bluntly saying "May I know your name?" I was like... err.. what makes you think i'd give it to you? Even if you look realy cute in your orange shirt and pretty face (he's not gayish.. he just has.. a pretty face..). And besides, i smell something fishy; at worst this may be a ploy to steal my shopping money at best, it might be one of those stupid joke shows that the masses seem to love but i just find totally inadequate and lacking true good natured humor... Like, cmon! i'm not really the kind of girl who attracts THAT kind of attention. It felt really weird. Anyway.. of course, i didn't say all that.. i just smiled my "thanks, but no thanks" expression aND QUICKLY WALKED AWAY.. After that i joined a clump of people where there was a man neaby flagging down fx taxis for everyone. And so i went to the mall. Nothing eventful there, except that the guy in Penshoppe wrapped my purchased item on a plastic bag 3 times it's size. Maybe he felt sorry for me. Carrying my other purchases around in a couple(as in two) of shopping bags. Anyway, that was thoughtful of him. I was walking behind a couple of pretty fine ladies, making my way around the mall to look for interesting things to buy when all of a sudden, the tallest girl screamed a bit then covered her mouth, her eyes went like saucers then she spoke to her friends.. "Oh my GOSH! GUESS is on sale! look! look! Oh I must have that green cardigan" And sure nuff i found myself staring after the bunch hurrying towards the GUESS shop.. anyway, i found her reaction hilarious. It's like she had seen a rockstar or something. Guess she really adored that green cardigan. I was also thinking of buying that sony DVD Rom Rewritable yesterday at electroworld. It's only 1600 bucks. But then again it was good that i didn't give in to my impulse cuz my mom would have skinned me alive when i got home when i tell her that i had exhausted all my funds.

anyway.. i gotta get ready now.. school's in a couple of hours.. toodles!!

rant rant rant

2005-06-12T16:38:00.000+08:00

Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. When you feel one, you also feel the other...

What if you don't feel anything? n0t love.. not hate.. just indiferrence... what do you do??

But you still think about him most of the time. You always seem to remember vividly your times together. Just one reminder and you're back again to that special place.. that one moment... that one. perfect. moment.

Suddenly you feel stupid and then regrets slowly take their toll and then, the longing comes.

Theses feelings are directed towards you, not to the person whom you once shared these moments with. To you.. he was just another failed attempt, just another guy who passed your way and did not stay...

...or maybe you're just in denial..

you still silently bleed but you have become numb because you're already hollow. You are indifferent because you have nothing more to give.. not enough heart to feel either hate or love..

you have become so adept at hiding that even you can't find that girl whom you once were.

enough of that crap, i can just feel bile rising in my chest.

just another incoherent gibberish

2005-06-07T17:49:00.000+08:00

im gonna be a bridesmaid...

OH MY FREAKING GOD!!!!!!!!!! ..not just A bridesmaid but THE maid of honor.. damn.. i could hardly wait.

yea yea.. i am a bit over reacting, but this is such a big deal for me. the last wedding i participated in was almost a decade ago.. with me being the flower girl.. and now.. im a friggin maid of honor.. LoL.. i simply can't contain my excitement.

Not that i haven't attended weddings these all these years(im not so deprived naman noh!).. it's just that, im always a relative, a guest, not somebody who partakes in the ceremony itself...

i patiently wait for the day when i will finally be the one saying those vows to the man i love *kilig*.. uh-oh.. hopeless romantic-ness activated.. i could just imagine myself, radiant.. walking down the aisle, looking as besotted as i feel. Looking towards the altar where my husband-to-be, Constantine Maroulis is beaming at me with untainted admiration and true love shining through his beautiful eyes. As my dad gives my hand to him, he seemed equally mesmerized as i am. he whispered.. "Oh baby.. you are a Goddess.. how did i get to be so lucky??!!" then he gently squeezes my hand as if to reassure himself that i am not some cruel apparition that can vanish in a moment. "so do you.. " was all i could say, blushing at the generous praise he gave me. We exchange vows that we have written by ourselves to better express our love and unfailing commitment to one another. You could just hear some of the women guests crying softly at the beauty and the sincerity of our vows to love and cherish each other till eternity...

okay.. nuff about that... focus noemi.. focus, ur getting distracted again..

anyway, my cousin, Reinalyn will be the bride at the wedding where i was supposed to be her maid of honor. She's my cousin whom i felt the most comfortable with. I love her like an older sister. She's really sweet and funny. She's petite and looks a lot like Tony Gonzaga. She works as an entertainer in Tokyo. She has an awesome voice. It is in Japan where she had met her hubby-to-be, Yamada-san. He is thirty-something while my cousin is younger than 25 years old. he had a wife whom he had divorced years ago. I forgot whether he had kids or something. he seemed nice enough according to my cousin. He's decent and doesn't drink much.. and he seems to really make my cousin happy.. if she's happy.. then i am happy for her..

the wedding is scheduled on September.. i'll be sure to post pics.. hehhe..

just another nonsensical post

2005-06-05T18:50:00.000+08:00

well, first of all.. i am happy that i am finally able to do what i want-which is to put sounds in this blog..

today, its been one month since my aunt died. things are slowly getting back to normal. although most of us.. still feel that sadness, that void.. that had settled in our hearts ever since she passed away. this event in our lives made me realize how important it is to enjoy the time that is being given to me to explore the world, to be in the company of my loved ones and to experience all that life has to offer.

on a lighter note..

i can't wait for classes to start. not that im a masochist or something.. its just that i miss my friends and blockmates (hehe, classmates seemed too plain..) can't wait to give em hugs and kisses. i think im gonna like this sem a lot basically because i am fond of the subjects that i will be taking up. anyway.. those who are interested.. here's my sched for this sem.

Schedule for 1st Semester of Junior Year, S.Y. 2005 – 2006

MONDAYS

Asian Civilization 1:00-2:30PM AVA-4
Social and Political Theories 2:30-4:00PM AVA-5
and Movements

TUESDAYS

Foundations of Education 1 1:00-2:30PM AVA-4
Rural and Urban Sociology 2:30-4:00PM AVA-4
Curriculum Development 5:30-8:30PM AVA-4

WEDNESDAYS

Foundations of Education 2 11:30-2:30PM AVA-1
World Geography 2:30-5:30PM AVA-1

THURSDAYS

Asian Civilization 1:00-2:30PM AVA-4
Social and Political Theories 2:30-4:00PM AVA-5
and Movements

FRIDAYS

Foundations of Education 1 1:00-2:30PM AVA-4
Rural and Urban Sociology 2:30-4:00PM AVA-4
Educational Evaluation 5:30-8:30PM AVA-4

Our classes will be starting come June 13..

helluva week

2005-06-02T14:31:00.000+08:00

..or more aptly, heaven.

it started out by thursday. gusto ni mama na pumuntang Tangaon (piddig, ilocos norte) para ayusin yung birtch certificate nya. saktong sakto din kasi uuwi sila auntie tess dala yung L300 para sa 1 year death anniversary ni Lola Ilig. And so, mga 11 ng gabi, umalis kami papuntang norte. Masaya ang biyahe kasi dinala nu Uncle yung tuta nyang si Jojo at kasama si Gerwin-pamangkin ko na 2 taon lang ang tanda ko. Don't ask why.. may pamangkin nga akong 26 na.. eh 18 pa lang ako.

anyway.. tuloy ang biyahe. mga alas dos ng madaling araw(mabilis ang biyahe promise!!), tumigil kami sa may 7-11 sa may urdaneta, pangasinan. nagcoffee sila habang nag hot choco at mocha kami ni gerwin (na nilibre ko as usual..)akala ko hot choco din yung kinuha nya.. ewan ko lang kung me diperensya.. pero di naman napansin nung guard at cashier.. inaantok pa siguro..

mga magsisix.. nasa sta. maria ilocos sur na kami.. ganda ng beach dito. sakto pang nasa tabi ng highway kea madaming mga nagbabiyahe din ang tumigil.. eto yung kinuha kong pic..

matiwasay naman ang biyahe.. nakarating kami sa Tangaoan ng mga alas diyes. Nakakasar nga lang kasi sobrang ingay ni Jojo na nababagot na sa kakaupo sa karton niya.

Dun kami natulog sa bahay nina auntie carmen at uncle edring natulog.. wala halos tao sa bahay. si ate melvin kasi nasa hospital, binabantayan si uncle edring kasi sumama yung pakiramdam matapos magtake ng kanyang morning stroll sa bukid. nagpunta kami sa bayan para dalawin siya, at hanapin si gerwin na umalis kasama ni paul at gamit ang scooter nang walang paalam. nung kinagabihan.. napagalitan sila kasi nasira nila yung susi ng scooter.. ayun tuloy.. di na pinagamit sa kanila yung scooter... at yung pentium four na computer ni tita melvs (sayang lang, walang internet at linya ng telepono sa Tangaoan).

saturday.. nagpunta naman kami kila auntie trising (wala pa kaming bahay sa Tangaoan pero pagnakaipon na ako, yun ang unang unang gagawin ko..)and to my delight.. nakita ko yung baby brother ni Mc Mc.. si Andrea. Cute na bata.. heheh.. kulit din. pag sinabihan mo siyang "haan ka ag kutkuti!!!" hindi talaga siya gagalaw.. ewan ko ba.. takot ata sakin.. kahit todo iyak niya.. pagsinabi kong "andrea, nakatagtagare ka man! agsarding kan!" bah.. titigil nga.. anyway.. eto pic nya.. sure ko maku cutan din kayo..

sana makita ni ate marissa.. hahahyyy.. kung me email addy lang siya.. ipapadala ko sa kanya lahat ng nakuha kong pic ng mga anak niya.. im sure namimiss na nila sila ni kuya cito.

sunday, ayun.,. kung saan saan naman kami napdpad sa Tanagaoan.. mga bahay ng mga tita at mga lola. Mano dito mano doon.. beso beso.. dun kami natulog kila Mc Mc. di ako masyadong nakatulog.. naalala ko pa yung mga multo na nagpapakita sa labas ng bahay.. heheh..

monday.. nagpunta kaming laoag kasi pinabakunahan si Andrea. dumaan kaming jollibee at sa st. william's church.. eto yung pix..

matapos nun.. nagpunta kaming sarrat.. nakita ko kasi yung simbahan ng sta. monica nung papunta kami kea nung pauwi na kami.. dumaan kami dun.. sa sta. monica church kinasal si Irene Marcos.. as you guys probably know.. the Marcosses are from Sarrat.

here are some pics of the church...

this church was established 1724.. kumpara sa ibang mga church dito sa pinas.. it is fairly old.. pero mas madami pang mas matatandang simbahan sa bansa..

eto naman yung sa loob.. takot na takot yung pamangkin kong lumapit sa altar.. sabagay.. creepy nga naman. madilim kasi.. eto ang pic..

lumabas kami sa side entrance at nakita namin yung convent ng simbahan.. naabutan namin yung kapatid ko at si Mc Mc.. kakalabas lang nila sa convent na humihingal.. nung nakita nila kami.. sabi nila natakot daw sila.. bigla daw kasi silang may mnarinig na umiiyak tapos may kaluskos.. pumasok naman ako.. wala naman.. parang mini museum lang naman. may kamaganak pala kaming naging kura paroko nung church.. may nakita din kaming mga solid gold na mga gamit sa pagbibigay ng ostiya at sinaunang camera.

eto naman yung belltower.. sobrang taas nya at sa katandaan ay wala nang umaakyat para iring yung bell.. delikado na kasi.. mag mga nakaattach na lang na lubid para mapatunog yung kampana sa taas.. eto oh..

pagkatapos naming magpunta sa sarrat.. sa ili naman kami nagpunta para nga asikasuhin na yung mga papeles ni Mama.. eto yung mga pics nina tin tin at andrea..

syempre.. kahit sa bayan ng piddig, meron ding mgamagagandang simbahan.. eto oh..

ayan.. kauuwi lang namin kaning alas-kwatro.. ang saya!!! sana maulit uli sa november.. heheh..

o yea.. the camera that was used to take all these pics was given to me by this guy,,

thanks man! hope to see u soon..

idols.. champions.. whatever!

2005-05-15T14:59:00.000+08:00

Mali pala yung nasa last post ko... si Monica Belluci (na dinedate ni Constantine these days) pala yung girl na nagbigay kila Neo nung Locksmith for a kiss sa Matrix Reloaded.. u know.. yung line nya.. "I want you to kiss me.. like you kiss her.. (points to Trinity a.k.a. Kate Moss)"

anyway.. here's a pic of connie.. so hot!! Gah!!

here's connie from elimidate.. who would have thunk?! Our greek god was once a mortal too!

here's connie again with his date on the premiere of star wars.. candace from nickelodeon... im so friggin jealous..

On a lighter.. less deadlier note..

Mann.. cute talaga ni Christian Bautista.. I still can't get over my crush on him. he's soOOO cute.. and he has the voice of an angel! how can a mere mortal like me resist??!! hahhyyy.. *sigh*

I was surprised yesterday na me girlfriend pala si Anthony Federov. I admit, naging member din ako ng Federovtion nung kinanta nya yung incomplete, i surrender at you don't know me by now. hahhy.. kung kelan naman gumaling sya sa mga mata ko.. tsaka naman sya natanggal..

split na daw sila nung gf nyang russian.. nagselos ata ke Carrie.. ewan! daming rumours na kumakalat sa PEx...

Con-whore mode once more..

ah basta ako, eto.. Mrs. Maroulis wannabe pa din.. one time.. hahalungkatin ko yung thread sa forum.. yung fan accounts sa come back party nila ng banda nila.. mann.. grabe.. *thinks lusty thoughts..* ah basta.. oh.. eto na pala eh..

here's one.. all these are from PEx which the PEx ppol got from GGG (Greek God Groupies)
it talks about their album's release party last may 10 (bday ko po!)

You rock girl! I'm Michelle (papilion). Remember seeing me there? What a total blast watching the boys rock their heart out up close! Here's my recap of last night. I am still trying to sink in what happened and couldn't believe I was actually there.

At around 8:30 Taylor went on stage first and told us that this was a private party for the band¡¯s fans only and how the band appreciated us being there. No cameras or recording devices of any kind were allowed. They had their own crew photographing and videotaping the show and will make these materials available through their website. Taylor also said that about 60,000 CDs were already shipped---that would introduce them into the Billboard, I guess! Then Joao and Hamboussi came out---Hamboussi was totally adorable wearing a traditional Chinese outfit. After that who else but Constantine??? As a reporter already described, he¡¯s wearing this leather jacket, ripped jeans, with black leather back pocked. Freaking HOT. He looked EXACTLY like how he appears on TV. And all those faces he made---the smile, the nose wrinkle, the tongue (yep, he stuck it out a couple of times! And every time we screamed!), the vulture look---completely the same! Yet up close you can really appreciate how gorgeous he actually is and that he got radiant and smooth skin---a little bit sweaty though. We walked on the stage one by one to get our CDs and 8x10 band photos they put there signed by the band members. I must have looked like a complete dork wearing those glasses and went like ¡°I am your biggest Chinese fan! Can I get a hug?¡± He said ¡°yeah¡± with a smile and signed the photo, and hugged me. I was being such a good girl and only grabbed the back of his jacket. After that I also asked him to sign my CD cover. Then I went offstage being completely nuts and all those girls were giving me high fives. At one point he took his jacket off and you can see the black T-shirt inside is like two-size-smaller tight and outlined his body (a little bit tummy, but who cares) WELL. Gee, I hope I could¡¯ve got a jacket-less hug. But anyway. I was just so thrilled that it was almost surreal. I watched him doing autographs for another 40 minutes or so. He chatted with fans time to time, with frequent smile on his face, and threw a couple of bottles he had emptied to the crowd. I hate myself not being athletic enough to catch one. At one point he had the pen in his mouth as if it were a cigarette and looked around. Total breath stopper.

Around 9:30 about everyone in the club (100-200 people, 99% female, I think) has got their autographs. The boys chilled out backstage for about 10 minutes and Taylor came out, shouting to us ¡°Do you want to hear Constantine sing?¡± And we said ¡°YEAH!!!!¡± Taylor said that ¡°legally¡± Constantine was not supposed to perform or sing at this moment. But he came out for the party and rocked it out anyway. He sang five songs in a row: Drift, Rich B*, Sally, Suicide, F*up world. Totally dynamic and dramatic on stage. A lot of hair tossing, and jacket flipping. He even completely lay down on the floor as if in a seizure for a moment during ¡°Drift.¡± Other things he did includes wrapping the microphone cord around his neck, sprinkling up a mouthful of water, and, yes, grabbing the pecker (I insist on keeping the specificities of that memory to my own). He also did a lot of moves that matched up with the lyrics. And he¡¯s singing right into the crowd all the time. I was up on the front only behind two other girls and kept flashing my signed photo. I thought he saw it and smiled for a second. Taylor said that the band had like only two rehearsals after Christmas, but they sounded awesome. And they¡¯re solid, such great chemistry. Constantine¡¯s vocal¡¯s absolutely fantastic, full of passion and power. You can tell where his heart truly lies from his performances. Hamboussi threw his drum sticks out at the end of the show and one of them slipped right across my fingers and got caught by the girl behind me.

After ¡°F*up world¡± the band said thank you and went backstage. Many people left at this point, but we die-hard fans decided to stay and see what was going to happen. I saw Athan, Constantine¡¯s older brother, going out of backstage once. I had a bottle of beer, when Taylor, Hamboussi, and Joao went out to talk to fans. Around 11:30 Constantine appeared again. He popped up from nowhere and was standing right in front of me, smiling, talking, and taking pictures with people. At this moment I truly regret that I didn¡¯t bring a digital camera because now pictures were allowed. Soon the tough-looking club bouncer came up and literally pushed me away. He got Constantine seated behind a table in an encircled seating area. We could still go up asking for autographs and pictures. Fortunately I had a disposable camera with me and I made my way for a picture and a personalized message---I am really keeping my fingers crossed how that picture would turn out because there were a bunch of people around us at the time. Then I just stared at him (couldn¡¯t stop) behind the crowd and took a number of snapshots until I ran out of film. At 12:00 the club bouncer started to push us out while Constantine was still seating there with a group of people that seemed to be some special guests. I felt depressed that I was forced to leave when he hasn¡¯t left yet and regretted that I didn¡¯t choose a profession anywhere close to entertainment or radio business that might get me into that special circle. But I had a total blast watching him performing and getting up close and personal with him and the band anyway.

here's another one.. i love the last friggin paragraph..

OK, so autograph table...yep yep yep...got up there and more hugs and kisses from the guys then Cons stands up and says thank you and I say thank you so much I love you guys so much and he said I love you too hug and kiss - and, in case you were wondering - he smells like HOT LEATHER. eeep. His hair is so soft and the gruffy stubble is too. He has perfect and beautiful hands. I am so sorry I couldn't get an autograph for the girl who pm'd me! I totally meant to ask about our CD zep, but completely forgot all about it when I was hugging and trying to speak - I think you can understand how I could forget so you forgive?

They must have signed 300 or more autographs, and poor cons had to kiss them all. Seriously, though, these guys are so f-ing cool, you could tell they were so happy to do this for us - non stop smiling and laughing and answered all our questions BIG FLIRTS too. And to see the fans faces to actually meet them and cons and hug him, there were tears and a lot of OMG's and such happiness - it was so awesome for them to do this!!! It only took me maybe 5 minutes during the hour + autograph time and I was THIS CLOSE to them the rest of the time - like eyeball to eyeball with TAYLOR and we talked the whole time like in between chicks - HE IS SOOOO NICE!!! and so cool to hang out with and yes girls, he's happily married, sorry!! He said they were coming to CT soon to see us cool CT chickies - yeah! They played the PFTSOB in the background the whole autograph time and Cons would sing and rock out head bang to certain parts of DRIFT while he was sitting at the table waiting for the chicks to come haha. He would smile and nod at us and wave and throw out extra auto pics into the crowd that was not in line. OK so Taylor says they have to stop but will be back in 10 - promise! So they disappear and the crew takes away the table and we're all getting ACKKKKK because my group of chickies know we are going to be crotch level with the Cons in 10 minutes. Did I mention we were THIS CLOSE - LOL with NOTHING in between us and him but maybe 2 inches at best.

OK so Taylor comes back out - and says "sorry we've only had 2 practices since Christmas...but we decided to surprise Constantine and bring our equipment. But we hear it's like against the law or something for him to sing - I don't know (everyone laughs). Do you guys want him to sing?" (everyone goes nuts) He asked 3 times before the spotlight hit Cons up at the top of the stairs from the backstage area and the place freakin explodes! He is just like shaking his head and smiling shyly in embarrassment - but OMG - if you can picture it in your head it's 5 million times OMG-ness. OK walks down the stairs still shaking his head gets on stage grabs mic - THE PLACE IS FREAKING COMPLETE CRAZINESS but Cons just closed his eyes and dropped his head down and did the prayer hands zen thing...you could tell he was trying to get ready/ clear his head for the performance "get to that place" inside himself that performers go to just before they go onstage. Then he squatted down with eyes closed, trying to get to that place inside - it was fascinating to watch and be witness to this process of his...such a personal thing it seemed like to me...and it was really WOW (did I tell you I was THIS CLOSE - LOL). They played the beginning of DRIFT (NYC subway soundbyte) and the f-ing SCREAMS, like surpassed the sound barrier loudness kind of screams. Walking by the club, you would think the place was on fire - it was unbelievable!

And from that point on, our sweet little shy Constantine completely transformed into THE HOTTEST DIRTIEST SEXIEST EYE F***ING ROCK AND ROLL MOTHER F*** GOD I HAVE EVER IN MY LIFE WITNESSED - EVER.

*AKO NA TO..*

aw gawd.. don't u just wish u were there??!!! waahh.. im so friggin obsessed with constantine.. good thing i'm not the only one.. hehehe..

*calms down..*

hmm.. wala akong maisip na mailagay sa testi ni nato.. bigyan ko n lng kea to ng graphix?? hahhy naku.. manang kim.. expect ur testi to pop out of nowhere starting today..

the days that was

2005-05-14T20:48:00.000+08:00

as i am writing this.. my entire family (including the dogs) are watching my debut vid..

i wish i had invited my classmates.. dami pang food and the celebration turned out okay naman. Sayang talaga!

kahit kelan talaga.. waaahh.. connie.. constantine ng buhay ko!!! nakakatuwa talaga sa PEx.. visit kayo.. madaming boards dun.. magsawa kayo..

damn.. kilala nyo si candace sa nickelodeon?? sino bang pdeng paupahan para patayin sya?? sya yung kasama ni constantine na umatend sa premiere ng star wars-na f na f ni connie ko..

tapos.. me nasasagap din kameng balita na he is dating monica belucci (trinity in matrix.. korekek ba yun??) hahhhy naku..

sa uulitin.. salamat sa lahat ng bumati sakin nung bday ko.. sana lang me kasamang gift.. lol.. j/k!!

Birthdays

2005-05-10T13:46:00.000+08:00

Wow.. I can’t believe that I am finally eighteen years old. Sa wakes di ko na kailangang magsinungaling pag gusto kong manood ng R-18 films.. hehehe.. as if naman. I can now legally access porn sites on the web! Hehehehe.. lol.. baka pde na din akong sumali sa Manila Tonight.. hahahah..

Andaming perks pag 18 years old ka na. Pde ka ang bumoto, magdrive, uminom ng alak, manigarilyo, makipagtalik (di ka na pdeng makapagsampa o masampahan ng statutory rape!) umuwi ng kahit anong oras. Magbar hopping.. pero ako, di ko muna gagawin yang mga bagay na yan. Di naman ako atat eh.. sabi nga nila the best things happen in their own time.

Although atat din ako sa pagiging 18 kasi pwede na akong magtrabaho.

Wala naming malaking selebrasyon. Mga kamaganak ko lang at ilang mga kaibigan.

Kaya pasensya na sa lahat ng bumati sakin kung tnx lang ang naisasagot ko sa inyo. Believe me, gusto ko ding magdaosng kaarawan ko na kasama ko kayo kaso tlagang imposible.

Muli maraming salamat sa pagintindi at pag-alaala sakin sa kaarawan kong ito..

Toooodles!! Kta kits na lang sa Pasukan!!

Of Death and Life

2005-05-05T13:12:00.000+08:00

today is a sad day...

i was surfing the net during the wee hours of the morning (2-3 am) when suddenly, our dogs began yapping like crazy. I was surprised and i knew right then and there that something has to be wrong. Our dogs never bark, unless they are in pain or if they see something/someone new that excites them. Suddenly i heard my lil cousin from behind me, asking if i was surfing the whole nyt. i asked him what was bothering him and why he isn't in bed. He said that he was sweating a lot cuz his blanket was over him when he woke up. my dad then told him that he could stay with us and sleep on the sala if he felt more comfortable there. My cousin sat at a nearby chair for a couple of minutes then my mom got up to relieve herself. A couple of minutes later.. we discovered that our sick aunt Kathy-my mom's sister.. who was sleeping in one of the rooms.. had stopped breathing. She died...

I was shocked. It has been a year since she first came to us, she had cancer. Eversince it has been trip after trip to PGH. She was under cobalt therapy. A couple of months ago, her health began a rapid decline. They decided that her only fighting chance is Kemo Therapy. One session and her health worsened, she wasn't ready to give up but her body was. She was brave, trying her best to stay healthy and yet, it just wasn't possible anymore. She was so weak, she can't eat properly. Can't even travel to the hospital. She celebrated her bday a couple of days ago. she was so happy to see all the people who meant so much to her. and last tuesday, my two other cousins -her daughter and son, left in Pangasinan, finally came. I guess she just waited long enough to see her family complete and to see all those people who meant so much to her.

My mom, my aunt Tess all said that she was telling them that she wants to go already a couple of days before-they both tried to convince her to not give up.. but i guess, her body simply couldn't take it anymore..

To my aunt Kathy, a loving mother, sister, aunt and wife, a courageous woman. Go with God Aunt.. ur now free of all humanly restraints.. we'll miss you.. we hold on through the knowledge that you're in a better place now.. where no pain can reach you.. we love you..

today is a sad day...

... a very sad day indeed.

stupidity killed idol

2005-05-04T08:08:00.000+08:00

i was in pinoyexchange.com.. i wanted to pick a fight with one of those stupid savol fans. i will be revisting it a few minutes after i have posted here. I am soO mad. How dare they even insinuate that that pig is better than my Connie??!! ive made new friends (well.. i hope..) in the forum. they are quite nice and as nocturnal as i am.. heheheh..

my dad ang my sister are worried about me being an insomniac once again.. my only wish is to have somebody to talk to during these nights. I wish i could play ragna kaso feel ko di sya kaya ng powers ng PC ko.

I hope that nobody watches AI today-although of course that is completely impossible.. But still, a girl can hope, can't she??!!

I was amazed by carol, xiao and yani's fan accounts and interviews with my darling greek god. He was soOOOO nice and gracious. the man is oozing class as he is oozing with sex appeal.. damn! i want him back!!!

hehehe.. ive spent all night posting and i only have ten posts to my name in pinoy exchange.. hahhy naku..

My Blog's Rebirth

2005-05-02T14:28:00.000+08:00

whew.. after a sleepless night (can u blame me? free connection by midnight using dial-up is shitty at best!) i have finally finished refurbishing my blog. well, i know its a bit cheesy... but heck.. the guy is cute!

arf.. gusto mo ba suikoden na lang? mas mganda sya kesa dun sa sinasabi ko..

anyway.. i hope u guys like it. kung gusto nyong pagawa sakin.. bigyan nyo ko ng kopya ng template nyo.. tapos pag balik ko senyo... burahin nyo yung template (as in lahat) tapos ilagay nyo yung nasa notepad..

i am so torn. I want to go on a vacation but i have no one to go with me. My sister insists that she must stay here in Manila to undergo her basketball training. My tita is offering an all expense paid trip in subic.. hahhhyy.. but i REALLY don't want to go alone.. But of course.. other than my sister, nobody else is free to come. My parents can't go cuz my aunt is staying with us and she is terribly sick and she needs attention all the time. I wanna go somwhere, Ilocos, Samar.. wherever.. i just want to get away.. but i can't.. im so FRIGGIN BORED!!!

I'll be turning 18 on the 10th.. sadly there is no celebration..

I SO HATE IDOL!!! how dare they vote off my dear greek god.. shame on them!! I'd rather wring that big tub of lard's arrogant neck! I hate him.. oh my ever dearest constantine.. please come back..

it's been sometime since i have played my RO account.. i guess i wasn't as addicted to it as i thought..

Does anybody know when exactly is the start of our classes??

Summer Blues

2005-04-17T17:31:00.000+08:00

...being cooped up in the house on your free will with nothing but your baneful thoughts for company will definitely do some weird things to a person...

Thank God! for Pcs! My dad pitied me so much that he finally took care of the condition of my former PC. Yea sure.. my second hand CPU is working better than i had any ryt to expect.. all my peripherals are doin great, well, mostly anyway, my speakers are not yet working cuz i probably haven't installed the sound card driver right.. got myself a new keyboard (with weirdly shaped keys) and a big new mouse.. my only setback is that i am not able to install the friggin Microsoft office 2000 yet, so i don't have word or excel in this thing ryt now.. but all in all, its fine cuz i can roam the net.

I am sad this summer basically because we haven't been to any of the excursions we usually go to this time of year. I miss my cousins, my nieces and nephews... the serene peace found only in the mountains of Ilocos Norte. I miss the 6-hour trip where i have nothing to do but sit back and enjoy dawn unfolding between mountains, rivers and the wide expanse of the sea. I feel so free when i travel to places like that. Places so ancient that you feel like you're in another place in another time.. one look, one feel of that.. will be like manna to my starved soul..

For to be in the city.. you must suffer certain things that constantly gnaw at your peace of mind. Which makes me crave for the solace i find in nature. I love watching fields of grain (or sometimes tobacco) slowly turn to gold as the first shafts of sunlight awake them. I love standing at the top of a hill, staring down at the majestic land.. feeling every inch a goddess...

..oh well, like i said.. being cooped up at home, all alone w/ur thoughts as your only companion will really do things to person's sanity.. hehehe..

vacation blues

2005-04-10T12:09:00.000+08:00

hahhyy.. naku naman.. bakasyon na.. what am i supposed to do with my time now?? maybe i should begin working on losing some fat. pangatlong araw ko pa lang to na walang pasok hinahanap-hanap ko na ang gulo ng school.. ahihihihih..

salamt kay renato at kahit papano ay may pinagkakaabalahan ako ryt now.. ganda nung pinahiram nya sakin.. fly me to polaris and the classic.

story wise, mas gusto ko yung fly me to polaris.. but character wise.. mas maganda para sakin ang the classic.. weeehhh.. sang-min mahal kita!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol..

mann.. how cute could a guy get??!! eto pang isa.. one of my fave scenes sa movie..

hmm.. ai din.. naadik ako.. mahal ko talaga si constantine.. he's so cute!!!!!!

ragna addict..

2005-03-05T17:49:00.000+08:00

ok.. pano ba yan? adik nanaman ako.. sa ragnarok. i figured ok lang naman xe magbabakasyon nanaman. at kasi medyo mataas na din ang level ko (thanks to jelai na sing bait ng priestess na character nya) ok lang kahit di ako maglaro by finals week.

sa totoo lang, wala naman akong intensyong muling magsulat dito ngayon. swerte lang kasi UBOS NA ANG RO LOAD KO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kea sa mga mababait at ginintuan ang puso jan, enge naman, kahit 10 bucks lang.. hhehehhe.. pulubi talaga. anyway, its soo cool talaga. ang bilis, wala pa kong 1 week na naglalaro, magsesecond job na ko. (salamat nga po kay jelai na nagbibigay din ng mga gamit.. hehhe). kea mga loki playerz jan, be kind pag nakita nyo ko.. nakakalat lang naman ako sa byalan. pag di nyo ko makita, malamng nakahide ako. magnanakaw na po kasi ako ngaun, di na mangkukulam (wiz). magiging rogue na po ako in a couple of days (or hours.. i wish..).

natutuwa nama ako kasi akala ko nasira nanaman tong blog ko kasi lampas na sa bandwidth ung pic pero somehow nagawan ng paran ng magaling na author ng template upang umayos muli!

ahh.. ang ngalan nga pala ng character ko ay shoujo-nezah

damn you pc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-02-24T14:54:00.000+08:00

i hate the world today. damn my pc, its busted AGAIN!!! i hate this. anyway.. hindi na ko pumasok sa skul kasi mukha namang walang kalalabasan yung elections. sayang nga lang kasi spongecola mamaya.. shit talaga.. sayang..

asteg talaga ang manhunt.. la lang.. mahal ko na talaga si jon johnson. anyway.. nagquizilla ako and this came up..

you represent the dark feelings in life. you are
sad and lonely and also keep to yourself.

What part of life do you represent? ( AWESOME anime pics ^_^)
brought to you by

You are the one who hates to hate but hates to
love. You can't deside at all! You have a
switching mind and just can't make up your
mind. You like someone but then someone else
comes and you think they are ugly the next day.

How much do you love? GOOD PICS
brought to you by Quizilla

school politix and ai

2005-02-22T18:01:00.000+08:00

Hindi ko alam kung bakit masaya ako ngayon. Everything felt right (although nakakabwiset kanina kasi ang tagal tagal bago ako nakasakay ng fx tapos yung nasakyan ko pa namamatay matay pa yung makina, kaya tuloy na late ako). Maybe it’;s because wala na sa balikat ko yung anxiety kahapon at kasi.. di na gaanong masakit yung ngipin ko.

Desidido na talaga akong tumakbo for treasurer. I know it’s a HUGE responsibility but I am confident na magagampanan ko ito sa ikasisiya ng mga ka kolehiyo ko. Kaso may problem sa comelec. But it will be sorted soon enough. Basta, please don’t forget me on Thursday.

Vote straight po ppol!!
CHD-SC
[BUKLURAN]

Lilibeth Regala for President
Rosary Macalejos for V-President
Kristine Mariano for Secretary
Noemi Munar for Treasurer
Camille Manalaysay for Auditor
Maria Reina Flaviano for PRO
Renato Hantid Jr. and Aljero Rodriguez for College Rep.

wag na lang po munang ipakalat sa mga hindi po natin kablock/ kakilala... salamat..

Astig yung american idol! Kaso disappointed ako sa 3 sa apat na bet ko. Si Anwar lang ang nakapagperform to my expectations. So cool! Moon River! God, astig! I didn’t expect Bo Bice to have a voice like Michael Bolton’s. Astig din sya. Woah.. tangkad pala ni Constantine(im not talking bout the friggin movie)!!! Cute nya talaga.. *kilig..* damn. I wish he would have performed better. Ang best performer para sa akin ngayon, syempre si music teacher Anwar Robinson

how stupid can i possibly get?

2005-02-21T18:17:00.000+08:00

Whoa.. what a day. Grabe, napaka emotional ko ngayong araw na ‘to. Kung di lang ako yung gagang umiiyak at nagiinarte kanina papuntang food stuff, aba, tiyak na mabibwisit ako sa gagang nabanggit. Hindi kasi ako yung taong mahilig gumawa ng excuses. Alam kong ako ang may sala, although medyo napagrabe ng group members ko but if there is one person to blame… ako po yun… Nalulungkot lang ako at naiinis sa katangahan ko. Kaso whats done is done. Times like these I wish na may time machine po akow… Nadisappoint talaga ako sa sarili ko kanina sa rhetoric. Kalimutan daw ba yung line? Mahawa daw ba sa kamalian ng iba?! Di naman sa nagmamataas pero sa totoo lang I expected better, hindi lang sa mga ka grupo ko pero lalong-lalo na sa bwaka nang inang sarili ko.

Siguro kung hindi lang talaga grabe yung sakit ng ngipin ko na halos mablangko ang isipan ko pag bumubugso yung sakit, baka napabuti ko pa yung mga nangyari ngayong araw na ‘to. Ngayon, medyo humupa na. Nagkadamage pala kasi yung ngipin ko, natanggal yung dating pasta. Ayaw namang bunutin ng dentista ko kasi sabi nya maaayos pa naman yung pasta at saka masama kasing binubunot pag masakit kasi hindi tatalab yung anesthesia.

Kahapon, nakahanap na ako ng magandang blogskin para kay iszhang. Basta, pag minsang makapgiinternet kaming 2, tuturuan ko syang gamitin yung blogskin…

I’ve made up my mind. Tatakbo na talaga ako as chd treasurer under sa bukluran party. I guess gusto ko namang makaambag sa pagpapatakbo ng ating kolehiyo. Ayaw ko nang maging passive student, gusto ko namang masabing may pakialam ako sa nangyayari sa kolehiyo ko. Magagaling ang mga kapartido ko, sana nga kasing level nila ako. Siguro ilang seminar at self confidence build-up pa ang kakailanganin ko para makapantay sa kanila. Pero I swear to god, I will try my best…

Makes me wonder though, sino kaya ang treasurer ng tugon?

Hehe, iboboto nyo ba ko, if ever?! Sana nga po suportahan nyo ko.

Bago na blog ko no, pansin nyo? Yung doodleboard ay nasa tell me, yung mga links nyo, nasa leave, profile? The girl po yan and etong binabasa niyo ay nasa ilalim ng my rantings.

Oh yeah, to the maker of this blogskin, great job! Keep it up!

Carbonara, AI, and School Elections

2005-02-17T17:29:00.000+08:00

I dunno why but i suddenly have the urge to know how to make Carbonara. I must be goin nuts. I plan on making one by sunday. Where the fuck will i find parmesian cheese??!! oh well, fuq it, im gona use processed cheese instead. pure butter? damn... i don't even know what that looks like. Star margarine and dairy creme are butter to me and i am quite sure that those products aren't "pure" butter. Ahh. what the hell, i'll probably have a better chance of making a good carbo if i employ the help of my ever loving and very affectionate sistah...... yea, ryt.Xp

Weehh.. 6 out of the 6 people that i was rootin for in AI got through; anthony federov (the guy that had a throat infection and was diagnosed to have no voice at all yet look at him now... he sings and looks like Clay!!), Anwar Robinson (the music teacher.. so cool, calm and confident. he does stevie justice by singing his songs), Mario Vasquez (the cutie from new york-i thought he was a filipino. he looks a bit like echo dnt yah think?!great voice too!), Constantine Maroulis (roc on dude! its about time AI had their share of head bangin great fun), Carrie Underwood (aww, the country girl, awesome looks and even more awesome voice.. a bit naive but it's great on her, love her song selection-id like to know the title of the song she sang last..) and Mikaila Gordon (the preppy and in your face attitude had won me over since day 1-not to mention her great voice.. so cool and she's my age.. wow..) I think the talent that AI got this year is even better than last season, but don't get me wrong the last season was spankin but these contestants.. wow.. i think the viewers will be blown away this year...

man.. di ako pinayagang mag-overnight to discuss stuff about the election. i wasn't all that disappointed though but i would have liked to go through with it with eyes wide open and i don't believe i can do that if i don't converse with my fellow candidates. I don't have the confidence yet to handle this. man oh man...

Love Crapp!!!!!!

2005-02-17T13:59:00.000+08:00

nung feb 14.. i gathered these stuff.. if u want more the site is http://www.lovepoemsandquotes.com

You know you are in love
when you see the world in her eyes,
and her eyes everywhere in the world.

- David Levesque -

Love is strong yet delicate.
It can be broken.
To truly love is to understand this.
To be in love is to respect this.

- Stephen Packer -

The Magic Of Love

Love is like magic
And it always will be.
For love still remains
Life's sweet mystery!!
Love works in ways
That are wondrous and strange
And there's nothing in life
That love cannot change!!
Love can transform
The most commonplace
Into beauty and splendor
And sweetness and grace.
Love is unselfish,
Understanding and kind,
For it sees with its heart
And not with its mind!!
Love is the answer
That everyone seeks...
Love is the language,
That every heart speaks.
Love can't be bought,
It is priceless and free,
Love, like pure magic,
Is life's sweet mystery!!

- Helen Steiner Rice -

Love feels no burden,
thinks nothing of trouble,
attempts what is above its strength,
pleads no excuse of impossibility...
It is therefore able to undertake all things,
and it completes many things,
and warrants them to take effect,
where he who does not love would faint and lie down.
Love is watchful and sleeping, slumbereth not.
Though weary, it is not tired;
though pressed, it is not straitened;
though alarmed, it is not confounded...

- Thomas A. Kempis -

We all want to fall in love. Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive,
where every sense is heightened,
and every emotion is magnified.
Our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon,
but that doesn't diminish its value,
because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives.

- From the movie "The Mirror Has Two Faces" -
(starring Barbara Streisand)

Love is not blind - It sees more and not less,
but because it sees more it is willing to see less.

- Will Moss -

Love Survives

Time to share is always there

I peered thru life
Ever avoiding strife
But now am undone
My barriers broken
For one has found me

Reached in and unbound me

Her love has burst my bonds
And set music to my songs
Her need for me
And mine for she
Has made my Winter Spring

A new start
With hammering heart
We color the world with our dream
Nothing is as it did seem
The darkness of my solitude is done
She - my rising sun.

- Robert K. Charron -

When She Walks By

Eyes so dark
Heart so pure
I could never love another
The way I love her
Gleam in her eyes
Like a candles flame
I love when I hear her
Call out my name
When she walks by
Birds stop their flight
The dead come to life
And the blind regain their sight
I could never love another
The way I love her
Eyes so dark
Heart so pure

Skin so soft
Soul on fire
She fills me with
Complete desire
The way she moves
The way she looks
One glance at her
Was all it took
When she walks by
People stare
At her radiant face
And her ebony hair
She fills me with
Complete desire
Skin so soft
Soul on fire

Perfect body
A scholar's mind
Michelangelo would envy
Such a find
Beautiful smile
Always sincere
Whoever's around
Wants her near
When she walks by
Angels weep
Gods hide their faces
And lovers leap
Michelangelo would envy
Such a find
Perfect body
A scholar's mind

- Patrick Possanza -

You don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.

- Unknown -

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

- The Bible : 1 Corinthians 13:4

If you have it [love],
you don't need to have anything else.
If you don't have it,
it doesn't matter much what else you do have.

- Sir James M. Barrie -

i hate going to school

2005-02-16T11:35:00.000+08:00

nakakainis na. wala kaming classes today kasi nga may concert sa gabi tapos may program. Nakakaasar.. medyo masaya lang ako kasi.. sikreto, basta, masaya ako. Yoko nang mag-aral!!!!!!!!

I was just talking to cristle, one of my classmates back in elem. She's based in U.S. now. It was nice talking to her, remembering our elementary days.

sorry.. i really can't help myself.. i love quizilla..

You are a dark girl. You have a really quiet and
really a i dont' care attitude. You like to be
alone and that is what you enjoy. You don't
like to be around others and you'd rather be
away from here. You have a get away from me
look and others find you bitchy and
self-rigious. You'd rather read than be at a
fair but that's ok because that's who you are.

Who are you inside????? (LOTS OF RESULTS)girls only
brought to you by Quizilla

isa pa.. cute ng pic eh..

Your anime hair color is blue.

What is your anime hair color?
brought to you by Quizilla

quizilla...

2005-02-15T15:06:00.000+08:00

as usual.. i took this quiz and got this really neat photo.. it's so kawaii...

You like the prince charming type.

What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

ok.. i took another one. i thought this quiz only has 1 outcome.. apparently not.. thought the result was too good to be true.. heheh..

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hmm.. firey huh.. tapos dun sa isa ice.. hahhyy.. ewan..

Your element is Fire: Strong, hot tempered,
powerful, and passionate. Well now lets see,
being fire you are quite strong and powerful,
people look up to you greatly and often seek
your protection. You have the ability to gain
many friends and you are always one people can
count on to do what you say you will do. You
are extremely loyal be it friends or family
you'll stick up for them and you are never
willing to put them in a position that could
hurt them. You know what roll you play in life,
leader, and you intend to let people know it.
Not everyone is capable of leadership but you
certainly have the willpower and flare to do
it. You have quite a temper if it shows itself,
one that can often lead you into trouble. Once
your mind is made up there is no changing it
but no one said that was a bad thing.

.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

here's another one... the pic is really nice.. gheheheh

BEAUTIFUL ICE PRINCESS/PRINCE .You need distance
between you and your partner in your
relationship. You are very difficult to get.
You have big requirements and this one you love
must try hard to get you. But after she/he melt
your heart she/he will be the most happy person
in the world. You need someone who shoes you
that you are special and it makes you feel
good to see that you are loved. She/He shall
know that you could easily get another
girl/boyfriend but you wont as long as you
love him. when she/he hurts you you will hurt
him too, but in general you dont get hurt. If
your partner cheated you ,you would react cold
and immediately (try to) forget him.

~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla

monday yet again. whoppeee!!

2005-02-14T18:51:00.000+08:00

i was so relieved.. buti na lang di natuloy yung choral interp namin sa rhetoric. di din natuloy yung flag ceremony. all in all, napaka anti climax (climatic) ng araw na ito (kweh.. tama bang gamit?). sayang, i thought i would finally get to finish watching MAY with my friends kaso bad trip me Philippine studies pa nga pala. wala naman kaming pinagusapan kundi corruption and all that. Masaya naman kaso syempre gusto ko namang makasama mga kaibigan ko. dami ko nang ikukwento sa kanila na di ko masabi sa mga taong nakakahalubilo ko araw araw. mwahahaha.. saya talaga mag net pag di sau yung card na gamit mu.. mwahahaahhahahahhhh!!

hapi puso sa may mga puso... ^_^

another day...

2005-02-10T19:08:00.000+08:00

Hmmm, paramg gusto kong bawiin yung 2nd paragraph na naisulat ko ditto kahapon. Kasi parang di ko naman siya talaga.. u know, gustong gusto. Siguro naiinggit lang ako sa kanya or something. I dunno..

Natatawa ako kanina sa FX. May foreigner na sumakay, sa gitna. Katabi ko siya. From his accent, siguro british or English sya. Syempre ako tong si deadma, wa pake, although nahahagip ko yung mga pinaguusapan nila nung babaeng nasa dulo. Parang business associates sila although from what I saw of the woman, she looked more like his maid. If I didn’t hear her speak in straight, fluent and flowing English, I would have really dismissed her as his… you know… it’s not like I haven’t seen some foreigner dragging a filipina “companion” around who looked like something that you would usually find at the end of a leash and introduce her as his wife or would start making out when he thinks it is private enough for American standards. Nung una pa lang, apprehensive na ako. Pano kung may sumakay ditong sobrang taba? E di ipit nanaman ako. For the first time in my life, I was able to appreciate the height and body built of Filipino men. They don’t take up much room.. (heheheh..). back to my story, Que horror! Yung sumiksik nga sa tabi ko ay isang matabang babae. Buti na lang di sya matangkad kaso.. pucha pinagsisiksikan niya yung sarili nya sa kakatiting na space. She was wiggling and she was making it uncomfortable for me. But I have to give it to the foreigner. He did not try tricks Filipino men usually try in that situation (which is using their elbows to try and touch your boobs). He kept his hands together and tucked them between his legs. I appreciate that cuz I am very ticklish and I hate having another person touch any part of my abdomen. Still, the ever so insensitive woman started fidgeting again, throwing an apologetic smile at the foreigner when he looked her way. She didn’t seem to notice that it was I to whom she is being a moron to. Thank God their destination is not that far (although I believe the fx driver overcharged them). It just pains me to see us Filipinos going out of our way to please foreigners when our brothers and sisters who are in their country are discriminated against, treated as slaves and condemned to being an inferior. I wish we were a bit more like the french. They have so much respect for their country that they expect the foreigners to speak their native tongue when conversing with them as long as they are staying in their country.

Tommorow, another day. I wish na sana makapagpraktis na kami sa rhetoric. Naiinis na talaga ako…

Have you ever?

2005-02-09T19:31:00.000+08:00

No.. this is not a song, hindi to tula. Gusto ko lang maglabas ng mga saloobin ko. Sabi rin sa mga pelikulang napapanood ko, the best way to find one’s peace of mind is to talk about the things that hinder it (one’s peace of mind). So eto, nilalatag ko ang aking mga saloobin dahil sobrang bigat na, di ko na talaga kaya.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko hahanapin ang focus na kailangan ko upang makapasa sa semestreng ito. Sobrang dami ng iniisip ko. Choral speech sa rhetoric, report sa IT, Economics, Philippine studies, mga midterms na hindi pa tapos at pano nanaman mag exist ng isang buong araw. Ang hirap talagang magfocus. Kasi… stupid talaga. Ineng naman, alam mo namang bawal paganahin ang puso habang dapat ay ginagamit ang utak. Di malalaman ng katawan kung sinong susundin. Ah basta. Okupado niya ngayon ang isipan at emosyon ko. Buti nga di nila pansin-I really hope it stays that way. Wish ko lang, a few more weeks, sana nga di nila mapansin para I’ll have the whole vacation dedicated to losing myself unto greater, more logical and useful things. Sa mga nakakaalam na, please bear with me. Lam ko di nyo sya gusto so I’m hoping na mas madali para senyo na itago to. Ingats ingats na lang po sa pagmemention… Oh well, Maybe it’s just a seasonal thing. *my lips are bleeding.. again, well, the left corner of it anyway..* Baka nahawa lang ako sa dami ng mga lovers ngayon lalo na’t magvavalentines. Kaso, sobra na to eh, as in di na ako makapag-focus sa mga dapat kong gawin, dapat isipin at dapat abalahin. I just think of him and poof! All the sensible thoughts, schedules and deadlines suddenly vanish. Di kaya may ginayuma to tapos imbes na dun sa girl eh sa ‘kin backfire ung spell? Syet talaga.. nakulam nya nga yata ako…

Naranasan nyo na bang kwestiyonin ang isang desisyong ginawa mo na as in siguradong-sigurado ka na kaso parang ngayon di ka na sure? Eto ang mahirap sa buhay, hindi pwedeng pag sa palagay mong mali, pwedeng magreturn sa last save point at magsimula muli. Dito sa tunay na mundo, hindi pwede kasi may consequence ang lahat ng iyong ginagawa. Di pwedeng basta-bastang magbago ng goal sa buhay. PARANG AYAW KO NANG MAGING TEACHER, DI KO YATA KAYA. Etong realisasyon na ito ang sumalubong sakin habang nagrereport ako nitong nakaraang linggo. Kung kayo/sila ngang maituturing na mga edukado, may mataas na pinag-aralan at may ambisyon sa buhay ay di ko kayang makayanang makuha ang atensyon at respeto habang nasa harapan ako ng klase-ano pa kayang tsansa ko sa mga batang highschool na puro kabulastugan at kalokohan lang ang mga laman ng mga utak?! Ang sakit kasi, nung tipong nageexplain ka sa harap tapos walang nakikinig sayo. Para kang binastos-or maybe, that’s just me. Kasi masyado akong nasanay na pinakikinggan ng mabuti ang bawat kong salita, mapakanta man o reporting nung nasa highschool ako kaya siguro ganito ang pakiramdam ko. MEDIOCRE, INCOMPETENT… eto ang mga salitang paulit-ulit na lumalangoy sa aking diwa. Ayaw kong maging mediocreng guro. Kung magiging mediocreng guro ako, bah, maghahanap na lang ako ng propesyon kung saan maibibigay kong lubos ang aking talento at napag-aralan. Oo na, idealistic masyado. Pero anong mangyayari sakin kung di ako magiging idealistic?! Magiging isang nilalang akong di maabot ang rurok ng aking potensyal-at iyon ang di ko mapapayagan. Hahhy.. sana may makatulong sa aking makapagdesisyon, dahil hindi na talaga ako tiwala sa dinidikta ng aking isipan.

nice poem from robert frost..

2005-02-09T11:27:00.000+08:00

aside from ms. Dickinson, Robert frost is also one of my favored poets. there's something about his poems that make them unique..

Fire and Ice

Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

..i so agree with him..

qt pix back then..

2005-02-09T11:11:00.000+08:00

aww.. the good old days... hulaan nyo kung ilang taon na ko jan...

Me, my nephew gerwin and my li'l sister jane...

pasensya na, nagpapaka nostalgic lang po.. as you can see, bata pa ako bungisngis na talaga ako. panget pa ng community park namin jan pero ngayon, maganda na yan, napagdadausan na ng mga rock concerts.

it's gonna be a long night...

2005-02-08T22:54:00.000+08:00

..well, not really, since half of it has already passed as i am writing this little treatise. usually, i dismiss this poem by browning but, since mam adil asked us to read it, i did.. and i think it really is the epitome of all love poems...

How Do I Love Thee?
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
---------------------------

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

damn.. ah need a soldier

2005-02-03T17:19:00.000+08:00

it's my favorite song ryt now... its so cool.. i think it's amazing how DC captures women's.. uhhmm.. ideals.. heres the song.. man, gotta love it..

Soldier
Destiny's Child

1st Rap: T.I. (DC)
Hey
(I want a soldier!)
The way you got it, I,m the hottest around
They'll know it when they see you rollin' impala's around
(I got a soldier!)
Wit the top down feeling the sounds
Qaukin' and vibratin' your thighs ridin' harder than guyys
Wit the chrome wheels at the bottom, white leather inside
When them lames be spittin' at you tell 'em don't even try it
To shot it wit Chelle and kick it wit Kelly or holla at B
Ya, gotta be g's you way outta your league
Please!

First Verse: Kelly (DC)

We like dem boys that be in the lac's leanin'{Leanin'}
Open their mouth their grill gleamin'{Gleamin'
Candy paint, keep that whip clean and {Clean and}
(They always be talkin' that country slang, we like)
They keep that beat that be in the back beatin'{Beatin'}
Eyesbe so low fomw the chief {chief and}
I love how he keep my body screamin' {Screamin'}
A rude boy that's good to me, wit street credibillity

Hook: DC
IF his status ain't hood
I ain't checkin' for him
Betta be street if he lookin' at me
I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Known to carry big things
If you know what I mean
If his status ain't hood
I ain't checkin' for him
Betta be street if he looking at me
I need a soldier
Thay ain't scared to stand up for me
Gotta know to get dough
And he betta be street

Second Verse: Beyonce (DC)
We like dem boys up top from the BK{BK}
Know ho to flip that money three ways {Three ways}
Always ridin' big on the freeway {Freeway}
(Wit that east coast slang that us country girls we like)
Low cut ceasars wit the deep waves {deep waves}
So quick to snatch up your Beyonce {Beyonce}
Always comin down poppin our way {Our way}
(Tellin us that country girls the kinda girl they like)

Hook: DC
If his status ain't hood
I ain't checkin for him
Betta be street if he lookin' at me
I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Known to carry big things
If you know what I mean
If his status ain't hood
I ain't checkin' for him
Betta be street if he lookin' at me
I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Gotta get dough
And he betta be street

Hook: Beyonce (DC):
I know some soldiers in here (Where they at, where they at)
THey wanna take care of me (Where they at)
I know some soldiers in here (Where they at, where they at)
Don't mind takin one for me (Where they at)
I know some soldiers in here (Where they at, where they at)
They wanna spend that on me (Where they at)
I know some soldiers in here (Where they at, where they at)
Wouldn't mind puttin' that on me (Where they at)

2nd Rap: Lil Wayne
Hey, see cash money is a army
I'm walkin' wit purple hearts on me
You talkin' to the sargeant
Body marked up like the subway in harlem
Call him, weezy f baby, please say the baby
If you don't see me on the block I ain't tryna hide
I blend in wit the hood, I'm camouflage
Bandana tied, so mommy join my troop
Now every time she hear my name she solute

3rd Verse: Michelle (DC)
I like dem boys over there they lookin' strong tonight {strong tonight}
Just might give one the phone tonight {Phone tonight}
Homey in the dickies in my zone tonight {Zone tonight}
He don't know it might be on tonight
Ooh he lookin' good and he talkin' right {Talkin' right}
He the type that might change my life {Change my life}
Everytime he look at me my girls be like {Girls be like}
(Thats one may be the one tonight)

Hook: DC
If his status ain't hood
I ain't checkin foor him
Betta Be street if he lookin' at me I need a soldier
That ain;t scared to stand up for me
Known to carry big things
I ain't checkin' for him
Betta be street if he looking at me
I need a soldier
That aint scared to stand up for me
Gotta know to get dough
And he betta be street
Hook: DC

Bridge: Beyonce (DC)

WOOHOOOO! we need some souljas in herrrr!!!!!!!!!!!! la lang.. ^_^
times like these make me wish that i could actually dance.. *sigh*

Last Pic

2005-02-03T09:47:00.000+08:00

here's the last pic.. ang gulo, Kim, galit kah??!! Hoy! ano ba to.. ayan, nakatalikod tuloy ako.. naks.. mga award winning smile.. dapat siguro, sinali ko to sa close-up whattamouth.. that's it.. cute talaga noh? sana talaga maulit.. wuv u ol.. mwah!

mga bangag 10/10/04

2005-02-03T09:40:00.000+08:00

as promised, eto nah..

pictures courtesy of JM Lovely Tablico (mwahahaha)

from the upper left, me, ciello, iszhang, mommy daisy, tin and erik. From the middle left, kim, yoh and JM. And at the bottom, jasmine, arlene and grace.

waaahh.. daddy, anong nigagawa mo dito?? (^_^) Grace.. peace po tayo..

Mga Bangag Inc. walang tulog yang mga yan..

meron pang isa kaso masyadong maliit kaya pinutol ko muna.. ihahabol ko na lang.. anyways, sana maulit ang swimming noh.. dis coming vacation.. waaahhh.. grasyang and jasmine.. miss na namin kau.. oo.. kayo.. waahh..

why my life sucks

2005-02-01T16:08:00.000+08:00

asus.. pacute talaga..

okay, guilty na ko sa salang pagiinarte sa harap ng aking PC. Ok naman ang buhay. Kahit lahat ng subjects namin bukas ay may quiz. Di pa kami nakakakita ng gagawin naming choral interpretation sa Rhetoric, di pa tapos ang report ko, at most of all, di pa maayos ang PC ko. Di pa ako nakakapg install ng ragnarok, di pa ako nakakagawa ng rebyuwer sa mga tests bukas, wala pa akong nobelang nababsa sa loob ng isang linggo. Nagasgasan pa ako kaninang umaga sa pagakyat sa FX.

Pero in fairness naman, di naman puro kamalasan ang nangyari sakin. nung pauwi kami ni Kate kanina, 20 lang ang siningil sakin ng manong. Di din ako nalate sa economics kahit 7:15 na ako nakaalis dito sa haus. Wala si Sir Dimalanta at maaga akong naka-uwi dito at kanina pa ako nakakapagnet ng walang istorbo. what more can a girl ask for?

nagdadalawang isip ako kung ilalagay ko sa links yung isa ko pang blog. may mga confidential stuff kasi dun eh... oh well, maybe pag nabura ko na ung mga maseselan.

poem nanaman

2005-01-30T02:08:00.000+08:00

Come my sweet, lay and rest
Your body, mind and soul
Soldier, you have passed a test
Which had often left men cold

Put down your sword and shed your armor
Take with it your face's pale pallor
Let me wash from you the scent of battle
That has left your heart cold and brittle

Let me warm your hands that had killed so coldly
Release all the silent burden which you carry
Scream, destroy or cry if you have to
Whoever said that a warrior can't shed tears too

Come, rest, seek comfort in my arms
Here in my lair, to you will come no harm
I would not steal your zennies, i assure you Knight
I am but a simple acolyte, who took pity on your plight

Hush, the war is over, the enemies are slayed
You sir are bloody, hysteric and a bit insane
Now, just close your eyes, and i'll blow out the candle light
I bid you the sweetest of dreams and a kiss goodnight

~owari!okay.. COMMENTS!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!

Fire poem

2005-01-30T01:50:00.000+08:00

You light my darkest night
Oh fire, my fire, you burn so bright
Exposing the fears that i had laid to rest
Turning it to cinders with a flick of your crest

You tease me as you laughed and danced through the night
I didn't know that anything could feel so wonderful, so right
Utterly facinated by your fiery nature
Your one flaw, but in it I find the greatest treasure

And so I let you posses me
Hoping that in our madness, i'll be able to see
Your heart which you hide
A glimpse of your soul and your gentle side

I saw the shadow of the heart i seek to claim
Abandonly i thrust my hands into your flame
I felt your soul incite me to fever
A spirit so hot, it gives me shivers

I thought i had apiece of your ember heart burning brightly in my hands
Then suddenly it vanished as you smiled and melted thru the sand
Nursing my hand which you had cruelly singed
The scent of my burnt flesh is making me cringe

You had gone, as fast as you came
Laughing at foolish li'l me whom you suckerred in your game
Leaving me cold and burnt all the way to my soul
How was I to know you'd turn my heart to the blackest of coal?

Brittle as my heart, it shattered into pieces
Making me cynical and guiltless
So fire, now i play as you do
Tricking anyone foolish enough to love me true

~owari. THIS POEM IS MINE. PLS. DON'T copy it w/out my permission. thanks

I need a god damned hero

2005-01-30T01:44:00.000+08:00

i so hate my life.. it's saturday and guess what? I'm going to school?! sucks.. doesn't it. My PC is tripping. it won't accept my floppies so i can't take out my prized files and post it here.. i still don't know how to include photos here in my dang blog and.. i'm going out of my friggin mind. I think i like somebody.. though i'm not yet that sure.. waaahhhh... i hate my life... i've been bitten by the 214 virus. I so dread valentines day.

so i leave you again a german poem crudely translated into english, it's a bit uhhmm.. graphic, so.. here it is..

Über die Verführung von Engeln

Engel verführt man gar nicht oder schnell.

Verzieh ihn einfach in den Hauseingang

Steck ihm die Zunge in den Mund und lang

Ihm untern Rock, bis er sich nass macht, stell

Ihn das Gesicht zur Wand, heb ihm den Rock

Und fick' ihn. Stöhnt er irgendwie beklommen

Dann halt ihn fest und lass ihn zweimal kommen

Sonst hat er dir am Ende einen Schock.

Ermahn ihn, dass er gut den Hintern schwenkt

Heiß ihn dir ruhig an die Hoden fassen

Sag ihm, er darf sich furchtlos fallen lassen

Dieweil er zwischen Erd' und Himmel hängt

Doch schau ihm nicht beim Ficken ins Gesicht

Und seine Flügel, Mensch, zerdrück' sie nicht.

Berthold Brecht

About the seduction of Angels

Angels are to be seduced fast or not at all.

Simply haul him into a doorway

Force your tongue into his mouth and reach

Under his gown until he's wet

Turn him face the wall, raise his gown

And fuck him.

Is he moaning somewhat uneasily

Then hold him tight and let him come twice

Or he might have a shock afterwards.

Warn him to wiggle his ass well

Coax him into grasping your balls

Tell him he's allowed to let himself fall

As he's hanging between Earth and Heaven -

But don't look into his face as you fuck him

And his Wings, human, crush them not.

Berthold Brecht, crappy translation by Makiko Igami

~~ as i've said, its not mine.. but it is quite wonderful, don't you think? well, pls. refrain from copying my posts.. thanks..~~

The Song i'm gonna sing to stardom... i hope..

2005-01-26T10:29:00.000+08:00

i was not so happy being rejected in PPS* and S*IAM.. i wish i could have sang this song instead..

I Can't Make You Love Me
written by Mike Reid and Allen Shamblinas performed by Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
inside my head

Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close,
don't patronize
Don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me
if you don'tYou can't make your heart feel
something it won't
Here in the dark
in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
but you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me

if you don't
I'll close my eyes
then I won't see
the love you don't feel
when you're holding me
Morning will come
and I'll do what's right
just give me till then
to give up this fight
and I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't
You can't make your heart feel
something it won't
Here in the dark
in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
but you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't

~~weehh.. so appropriate for me, don't you think? oh well..

untitled poems by yours truly

2005-01-26T07:25:00.000+08:00

untitled 0
Bring me to life
Give meaning to my song
Be the shiny sharp knife
that cuts right through all my wrong
Wake me up inside
Unleash the passion in me
Take my lips and give me life
Hold me hostage to set me free
Take me captive in your arms
Bind me to your side for eternity
Give me days of bliss and nights so warm
A love secured in the hands of destiny

here's another one..

Untitled 1
Another page to fill
from my awfully modern quill
wondering how to write about this attraction
That has blown my mind out of proportion
No, i don't want to write I love yous anymore
I've already read too much of it, it's becoming a bore
Not to mention meaningless and shallow
once eternal words, now truth's mere shadow
I don't want to outline things
to justify these feelings
His strengths and weaknesses, i don't want to share
I'd rather keep it here in my heart's private care
I'd gladly tell him that the shirt he's wearing isn't his color
and to follow the damned huge PUSH sign on the door
I would rather seem like a nosy know-it-all
Than have him discover that...

I'm not immune to his charms after all!

A Heart’s Goodbye
O death, welcome me in your bliss
Stop time, numb me if you please
So that in my mind his smile won’t surface
So my battered memory may find solace
See, I once loved an Adonis so fine
Everyday, I sank to my knees and thanked God that he was mine
He told me he loved me, Oh what farce!
No, there was no love from him, just aching scars
As I cried, his sweet voice is still haunting me
Even when I close my eyes, it’s his beautiful face I see
Now you understand my heart’s pain, why I must bid you hello
Embrace me now, protect me from the hurt, and please don’t let it follow

~I made this little treatise for my classmate’s art proposal. Nothing special… but please don’t copy it. Thanks..-

-I loved this one. A person in one of the forums I participate in posted this. I think it’s nice. Please don’t copy it. Thanks much!

FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks

I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man, who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempt to hit on my friend.
And as I pray beside my bed,
I look at the clown you sent me instead.
Amen.

MALE PRAYER

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store.Amen.

~~~ funny isn't it?

that's it.. just transferring some stuff from my journal

the loser in me

2005-01-26T05:25:00.000+08:00

hmm.. seems like everyone has been making blogs these couple of days.. well, here's mine. Please have the decency to keep the things that you read here for yourself.

i now leave you with Nikki Gil's I wish song from Coke's commercial..

Sana’y masabi sa awit kong ito
Lahat ng ninanais nitong puso ko
Sana saan man patungo sa buhay
May pag-ibig, pag-asa; may saya at saysay
Sana sa bawat sandali’y matikman pa
sarap ng pagsasama,at simpleng ligaya
Tara na, sakyan lang, malay mo
Andiyan lang, andiyan lang… ang hinahanap mo!