Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Im free writing cuz I think I did something really wrong and I am feeling very guilty about it.

It’s eleven oclock, and im still awake.. writing this cuz I think I wont be able to sleep tonight. Why do I feel guilty when I shouldn’t be? All I did was tell a fact. Maybe I am feeling guilty cuz I think I might’ve made it seem worse than it sounds? I dunno. I’m so confused, sorry, humiliated, aggravated.. arrgghh whatever! So this was why warning bells were ringing in my head. But I did heed the warning, I did think a million times before I said anything.. I thought about it a number of times before I blurt it out? Then why am I suddenly feeling as if I’ve made a wrong decision? Why do I feel like I’ve made someone feel that things are much worse than they actually are? Why, oh why do I want to cry and just pound something till my knuckles bruise? I can’t say that I didn’t think.. cuz I did! And yet my judgment at that time told me that it was the right thing to do. It seemed logical.. yet now.. it seems very trivial. Whatever it was, tapos na sya. Also, I’m beginning to feel that I’ve made the wrong assumptions. Arrgghh!! Bat ngaun ko lang naalala tong catch phrase na to??!! ASSUME makes an ASS out of U and ME. Damn it.. pag pagod na ko dapat talaga di na ko pinag oopinyon. Di dapat ako pinagsasalita. Parang feel ko kasi talaga mali yung mga tenses na sinabi ko. Tapos na yun, wala nang kasunod. Arrgghh!! Please!!! Lemme turn back time!!!!! I hate myself. If u knew me well enough, then alam nyo na bihira ako magdrama ng ganito. Di ko alam kung anong kalalabasan ng nasabi ko ngayong gabing ito, ngunit sa mga taong masasaktan o maapektuhan, pinapangunahan ko na kayo ng sorry. Maiintindihan ko kung hindi nyo na nanaisin na makipagassociate sakin It’s no less than I deserve.

Siguro dadating ang pagkakataon na titignan ko tong post kong ito at matatawa ako sa kababawan ko.. pero ngayon.. wala eh.. nahihiya, naiiyak, naasar lang ako sa sarili ko.

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